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“Have you replied to him? Are you going to meet him?” Justin asked with widened eyes.

I just shook my head sadly in response. The truth was, I just chickened out and didn’t end up sending him any kind of reply. Justin nodded his head in understanding.

“You should at least send him a reply, I think. I know that it’s hard for you. Even if you decide not to meet him, you should at least let him know that,” Justin suggested with a worried look on his face.

“I know that you’re right and I know that that is what I should do but…it’s harder than I thought. Everything just feels so complicated…” I confessed before letting out a depressed sigh.

Justin stared at me from across the table and it looked like he was about to say something to me but then the waitress turned up with our order. The salad that I ordered looked so colorful that it made me feel slightly guilty that I didn’t have much of an appetite given all the stress and worry running through my brain.

“I don’t remember the last time I ate something like this…” Justin muttered as he stared at his salad.

“You should eat healthy food more often. There’s so many restaurants selling clean food and whole food these days. It shouldn’t be hard even if you don’t cook,” I said with a smile.

“Hmm…I don’t know about that…” Justin said as he hesitantly moved a leaf of lettuce in his salad with his fork.

.....

It was clear that I wasn’t the only one without much of an appetite for this meal. Justin had a discouraged look on his face as he played around with his salad with his fork. After eating a few bites, he placed his fork down and stared across the table at me.

“Listen, I think you already know what I’m about to say already but I’m going to say it anyways because I worry about you and it’s also my job…” he said sternly before he paused.

I just nodded at him encouragingly to let him know that I was all ears. He was probably right in me knowing what he was about to say. Justin’s lips pressed in a thin line as he seemed to search for the right words.

“It’s not a good idea to get emotionally involved with the clients. Regardless of how real the job may seem to you and to them as well, these relationships that you are having are not real. They’re fake. Everything is not real. Even if everything really happened and your interactions with your clients are real, you should consider it as something that happened in another world. A parallel universe of sorts, if you will…” Justin explained convincingly.

“I understand…” I replied with a slight nod of my head.

I had to say that I did see this lecture coming and I probably deserved this harsh yet much-needed reminder and warning. Although I hated to admit it, somewhere along the lines while I was working with my clients, my emotions probably got involved and that meant that I wasn’t purely professional anymore.

“I’m just worried for you, Elena. Honestly, I’m so worried. You probably already know this but the more your emotions get involved, the more you will end up getting hurt in the end. There are cases of a few of my girls falling in love and getting married to their clients but those are rare indeed,” Justin said while sounding very desperate and worried.

“I know that. You don’t have to worry so much about me. I know what you’re trying to say and I truly understand. I’m not going to lie and say that it’s easy to manage and control my feelings at all times but I’m trying my best. I’ll try not to let it affect my work, so you don’t have to worry,” I replied while trying to sound as reassuring as possible.

“That’s not it. I’m not really worried about the work. As your agency, we get a lot of money and it’s great and all that but I’m very worried about you. As a friend, I’m worried about you…” he explained passionately.

For a moment, Justin looked so upset that I thought that he might start to cry. I could see where he was coming from and that made me blame myself for causing him so much distress.

“Calm down. Honestly, it’s not as bad as you think. Sometimes, I feel some kind of emotions like I care for my clients, but I don’t think that that is a bad thing. Of course, I’m trying my best to separate work from my personal life and I’m trying not to get my feelings involved more than necessary,” I said as I tried to convince him.

Partly, I was trying to convince myself as well although I knew that it was risky and that it wasn’t easy. It felt like skating on thin ice. One wrong move and the ice would crack and break, and I would end up falling through the cracks. There were many uncertainties involved when people and their emotions were involved as well.

“As long as you don’t fall in love…” Justin said with a clear warning in his tone.

His eyes stared intensely into mine from across the table before his eyes narrowed as if assessing me. I had no idea why he thought that I could still fall in love at this point.

“If that’s what you’re worried about, then you can stop worrying right now. Falling in love is just…impossible…” I stated firmly.

“All I’m saying is that you should be careful. Oh, there’s also the possibility of changing your clients. I mention that as if it’s easy, but sadly, it is not. You can’t really abandon your clients without paying a fee which isn’t cheap. The best way to change your clients is for both parties to mutually agree to cancel the contract. It’s not easy but it’s possible and has been done before,” Justin informed me.

–To be continued…