BXBX NOVEL Chapter 600 Hating Yourself So Much
Shao Jingfei saw her face become as pale as a ghost. There could be two reasons for that: either the situation was bad or really bad.
"Caiyi, I\'m sorry! I didn\'t mean to shock you when you have just recovered. I\'m sure this is a misunderstanding because everyone knew how much Dai Zhiqiang liked you! Yeah, that\'s right. I\'m the stupid one for bringing it up. Please just forget about it, okay?" Shao Jingfei panicked and blurted out everything he could think of.
However, Li Caiyi\'s expression didn\'t look better. On the contrary, tears started filling up her eyes.
"A-are you crying?" Shao Jingfei felt like punching himself now.
Of course, she would cry if she heard that her boyfriend was cheating on her. And it happened when she was sick and lost touch with him too. Anyone would be devastated if they found out about it at this time.
He really picked the wrong possible time to break the news to her. Alas, he couldn\'t take back his words anymore.
Oblivious to Shao Jingfei\'s dramatic thought, Li Caiyi was extremely hurt and sad. She couldn\'t even hold herself from crying in front of Shao Jingfei.
[I don\'t like you or dislike you].
[If that\'s what you want to think, then so be it].
[We won\'t meet each other in the future anymore. Goodbye, Li Caiyi].
Dai Zhiqiang\'s words from graduation day kept buzzing in her mind.
Was this the reason he suddenly fell out of love with her?
It happened so suddenly without warning, and he didn\'t even try to deny it when she accused him of having someone else in his heart.
Was Dai Zhiqiang actually cheating on her all along? Did he have other feelings for another girl while he was still with her? But how could that be? Because his gaze, words, touch, and everything seemed to scream that he loved her so much. She refused to believe that everything was just a facade.
She painstakingly swallowed her cry and asked him in a quivered voice. "Jingfei, you probably saw something wrong. Perhaps they just looked like they were close but actually weren\'t. Zhiqiang tends to avoid the opposite sex, so I found it hard to believe."
Shao Jingfei said nothing. He pondered for a moment before showing her a video on his phone.
Since he had broken her heart anyway, there was no need to hide this from her too.
"See it for yourself. Please do tell me that I was just overthinking. I will be glad if that\'s the case."
Li Caiyi looked down at his phone, and that foreboding feeling returned to her. She was scared of what she might find out, but she also wanted to find out simultaneously.
With trembling hands, she took it and played the video. What she saw in that short video completely shattered her belief and perspective of Dai Zhiqiang.
That smile and considerate gesture, there was no mistaking it.
Dai Zhiqiang didn\'t do that out of politeness, but he genuinely cared for that girl.
The cold and harsh truth fell on her head, threatening to split her brain into two. A part of her still stubbornly denied it, but honestly, she didn\'t know what to think anymore.
What she knew was that the constricting pain in her heart was too much to bear at this point. Looking at him treating another girl specially like that, her heart torn into pieces.
Everything jumbled up together in her head like messy knots, and Li Caiyi had no idea how to unravel it. She wanted to scream out of frustration but held herself back.
Shao Jingfei was grateful Li Chunnhua wasn\'t there, or she would beat him up if she had seen this scene.
"Caiyi, did something happen between the two of you? Is everything really alright between you two? I\'m worried about you."
Li Caiyi still had tears cascading down her cheeks, but she didn\'t utter a single sound. Not even a sob. She was tired from all the crying she had done in the past week.
She was eerily silent, and it made Shao Jingfei restless. "Do you want me to confront Dai Zhiqiang and ask him why he did that?"
Li Caiyi shook her head. "There is no need for that. We have already broken up anyway."
"What?" Shao Jingfei exclaimed in shock. "When did that happen? You two got along so well—ah!"
He was halfway saying that Dai Zhiqiang and Li Caiyi were the most famous couple in school when he realized that would be very insensitive. "Sorry. What happened between you two?"
"I don\'t know. We fought a lot, and sometimes we couldn\'t understand each other. I guess he is just tired of me."
"I see. I\'m sorry to hear that."
"Jingfei, I didn\'t doubt you. I\'m sure you showed this to me with good intentions. But I just can\'t believe it, no matter what. Even if he got closer to that girl after we broke up, I still want to believe his feelings for me were sincere."
Even Li Caiyi felt very naive for thinking like that. It was like she became her previous self again, blindly believing and following after the one she loved. She put a blind eye to everything that might hurt her and clammed herself shut in her shell.
As long as she could be with him, then she was okay.
Li Caiyi looked at her reflection on the phone screen. It was like she was seeing the past helpless and depressed Li Caiyi, who knew nothing but to obey others. She covered her face as she didn\'t want to look at it anymore.
"Jingfei, what should I do? I really hate myself like this. I must appear very pathetic right now. I thought I have changed; I\'m pretty sure I am."
Shao Jingfei looked at how Li Caiyi broke down in front of him, and it felt like he was seeing someone else entirely. Was Li Caiyi always this vulnerable and unsure about herself?
"Caiyi, you are not pathetic. There is nothing pathetic about getting hurt from loving someone." Shao Jingfei said in a coaxing manner.
"Don\'t be so harsh on yourself. You are just too shocked and hurt right now. Give yourself some time to heal, then you can slowly think about what you want to do next."
"I don\'t know. I\'m scared of myself. I don\'t want to return to the way I was."
"Why would you hate the past you so much? What did Li Caiyi do wrong in the past that you are terrified of it?"
Li Caiyi was stunned to hear that. "She was a foolish woman who made a lot of terrible mistakes."
"And what kind of human didn\'t make a mistake? Do you want to say that Dai Zhiqiang is a mistake in your life too?"
His words were like a slap to her face. Li Caiyi was at a loss for words and could only stare at Shao Jingfei blankly.
Shao Jingfei sighed. He couldn\'t stand seeing her like this. "Caiyi, I don\'t know what happened to you, but give yourself some credit. You don\'t need to be right all the time to prove that you have changed. No, in the first place, you don\'t have to prove anything. As long as you have a clear conscience, you have nothing to fear."
Li Caiyi listened to his words carefully. It comforted her a lot knowing she now had such a good friend who said such genuine words to her. Even her anxiety seemed to subside a lot.
Unlike in her previous life, where she could only weep with no one she could turn to. How she wished she had someone like Shao Jingfei then. Perhaps she wouldn\'t make a drastic decision to commit suicide too.