Martial King's Retired Life

Volume 6 Chapter 42 Husband and Wife to Battle – Waiting to Reap Without Sowing

We had to deal with the villager\'s five stones powder, or it\'d continue to, in a sense, harass us. For that reason, I sent Lord Zi on a shopping mission. He excitedly handed me a big bag of ingredients. Sounding ready for praise, he reported, "Shifu, I\'m back. I have enough of every single one. If there isn\'t enough, I will go and fetch some more."

"There\'s enough."

There was twenty percent extra. I tore the bag open and took some ingredients out. When I went to begin concocting the antidote, I noticed Lord Zi circling me and bouncing up and down. Confused, I questioned, "Why are you so happy? Did you pick up money?"

"Because I felt I was a hero just now!" Lord Zi touched his red cheeks: "You told me to cautiously jump over the wall to get out, told me to buy the ingredients from over a dozen separate pharmacies, warned me not to ask locals for location of pharmacies and to ask customers of eateries instead, so I followed your instructions, and it made me feel as if I was a hero! Is that sort of experience exclusive to the pugilistic world?"

"Technically, you\'re not wrong."

I had my reasons for giving Lord Zi those specific instructions. Wuhua County wasn\'t a large area. I speculated they had surveillance teams in ambush; after all, they couldn\'t be careless when they had such a large-scale underground fighting syndicate. Any of the locals, regardless of age, could\'ve been associated with them. Hence, we had to take preventive measures. The less someone stood out, the greater the likelihood they were informants or part of the syndicate.

It was normal for those in the syndicate to be distrustful of others. That was why they\'d eat food they prepared; eateries would be the last place they\'d want to go to. Purchasing ingredients for the antidote from various pharmacies was done for the same reason. If we bought all the ingredients to concoct an antidote for their five stones powder from one pharmacy, they\'d suspect us.

I had no idea Lord Zi found it fun. You know, the Emperor\'s sons sure were something else. Continuing from my previous response, I said, "Well, I enjoyed it when I was young, too."ord Zi stroked his chin playfully: "Oh?"

\'Oh, my foot! Stop giving me that look whenever there\'s a mention of a similarity between us! Come on, man, are you still suspecting I\'m your biological father?! Keep it up, and I\'ll be dead once we return to the palace!\'

"By the way, Shifu, why did it have to specifically be eateries? Based on your logic, clothing stores, inns or miscellaneous stores also would\'ve worked, right? Was it because heroes fight at restaurants and the sort?"

"Of course there was a reason for it. Did you buy the meat buns I told you to buy?"

"I did!"

"Good boy." I shoved the meat bun in my mouth. Voice muddled, I explained, "I told you to go to eateries, because I was hungry. Don\'t attribute everything to heroes; heroes have to eat, as well."

\'Also, stop claiming heroes like to fight at eateries. The one thing I can\'t tolerate is when people fight at eateries. To hell with food wasters! Wait… is that why I\'m still not a hero…? Huh, beats me.\'

I separated the ingredients from the bag into portions. Curious, Lord Zi inquired, "Shifu, we don\'t have anything to simmer the herbs. What do we do?"

"Simmer them? Just eat them."

I picked up the bag containing soft and hard raw herbs. I directed my energy to my hands to mould he paper bag into a ball. When I removed the paper, I revealed a circular pill within. I said, "Here, feed them the pills."ord Zi looked mind-blown: "H-How did you do that?"

Rolling a pill, I casually answered, "Train your internal strength for four decades, and you should be able to make one."ord Zi saluted me: "All right! I shall train my internal strength!"

"Before you do that, feed them the pills."

I took charge of producing pills. Lord Zi fed the villagers the pills to the twenty-plus villagers. I then touched my nose: "Cover your nose."

Tone naïve, Lord Zi stated, "Why? The smell is strong, but it doesn\'t st-"

One of the villagers interrupted Lord Zi\'s sentence with a loud vomit…ord Zi: "Okay, it stinks now."

The other twenty villagers reacted similarly, vomiting a repulsive yellow and white mush. After almost being caught with one blast of vomit, Lord Zi took cover behind me. The antidote I concocted induced the urge to puke, thereby allowing them to expel the five stones powder. I didn\'t know what doses they consumed, so that was the best method. Yes, it was filthy, but it was effective… We couldn\'t stay in the storehouse after that much vomit, nonetheless.

I looked outside to check there was nobody watching. Virtually nobody resided there, since Feiyun Hall\'s plaque was situated at the front door. Even Lu Shangfei, the owner of the place, only used it as a place to have a break. I said, "Ladies and gentlemen, there\'s a small door you can leave by. If the effects of the powder have worn off, come with me. If you lie there for too long… you might as well bury yourself in your own fields."

I ushered the villagers out with me. Owing to their rancid smell and wobble, they resembled a group of zombies following behind me. Luckily for me, I was at the forefront. Otherwise, they\'d call me Xiangxi\'s zombie exterminator. When we reached a busier street, we heard.

"Ew, what\'s their deal?! Vomiting and walking around at the same, are you trying to be zombies?"

"Look at him! He\'s not their leader, is he?"

"Judging from his appearance, he\'s one of them!"

\'I resemble a zombie now? I wish you weren\'t so darn imaginative! They\'re innocent and kind villagers who were poisoned and forced to fight! They just happen to stink!\'

"Why would they be vomiting?"

"How should I know? Don\'t you think their leader looks hideous, though?"

\'You aren\'t discussing sh*t! You\'re outright insulting me! You won\'t get off insulting my looks just because you\'re a passerby!\'

After dashing through the crowds to cross a lane, I heard, "Big Bro, you\'re here?"

I turned to look in the direction of the voice. On the horizon was a familiar individual. He wore a stoic expression, sported muscular arms and a qilin tattoo. It was Tang Ye. I asked, "What are you doing here?"

Tang Ye rushed over to me, speaking as he ran, consequently making it a difficult to hear him: "I received orders to investigate a corruption case. The clues I found led me here…"

I frowned: "What are you in such a rush for?"

Arriving before me, Tang Ye answered, "I was afraid I\'d, blegh!"

Bloody Tang Ye puked right in front of me. I wanted to ask, "Hey, what\'s the matter, Tang Ye? Handsome and cool Tang Ye wouldn\'t puke in the middle of the street! Wh-, wait, why are you puking meat buns?"

A bystander from before: "See? Even his friend pukes at the sight of his revolting face."

\'What the hell? You\'re still here?! Why are you staring at me and following me?! You have a crush on me or something? You\'re supposed to come over to give him warmth and water when he pukes, you jokes! Do people these days have no sympathy? Gosh!\'

Suddenly, an elder at the rear tripped over. Part of the reason was because he was getting on with age and lacked strength, but another reason was due to the puking worsening his condition. Not a single person offered to help him, though. Lord Zi was at the front, yet he stated, "Ah, a pretty elder sister has gone to assist him."

As Lord Zi said, a pretty maiden helped the elder up and dusted him. He said, "Elder, are you all right? Why are your grandchildren not with you? Are you lost? Are you all going for a group dance?"

Judging from the elder\'s face, he wanted to reply, "I want to puke." Either the effects of the antidote still lingered or the poison was still in his system, but I digress. The maiden sounded as if she was a lunatic. Group dance? How did she even get that idea? I certainly wouldn\'t be good enough to lead a zombie parade.

"By the way, Elder, have you seen a man in purple, this tall and with a straight face? He is my friend; we were separated not long ago."

"Hmm? That sounds similar to… this bloke puking in front of me. Her voice is familiar, too…" I thought.

When I looked over to the maiden, she happened to look over to me: "Big Brother Ming!"

"Xiao?"

Eager to help, smiling and a young girl sweeping elders off their feet. Only one person ticked all three criteria: Su Xiao. I wondered why Su Xiao was at Wuhua County and what happened.

Tang Ye struggled to articulate himself: "We might… be investigating the same case… Su Han and I came here together."

Su Xiao sped over to me. Something about his mannerisms was unusual; therefore, I took a small step back. For some reason, everyone around me was puking over the course of the day as if destiny had it planned for me. I silently pledged, "If you dare to puke, as well, you\'re finished!"

Su Xiao suddenly threw himself into my arms. I asked, "Xiao, what\'s the matter?"

Su Xiao didn\'t respond. Lord Zi, however, righteously and sternly exclaimed, "Shifu, you\'re having affairs behind Sister Lian\'s back! Also, what about my mother?!"

\'Jeepers, why do kids these days blurt things without considering the consequences?! Your Sister Lian is a eunuch. Your mother has a husband, and Su Xiao is a boy!!!\'

Discussions pertaining to my complex relationship tree surged through the group of villagers.

\'Is nobody going to defend me?!\'

Tang Ye shakily lifted his arm to pull himself up using my shoulder as support. His eyes bulged when he used too much strength, so… he unleashed another splurge of his lunch…

\'Hey, fuck you! Go puke somewhere else, asshole! Also, why are there more meat buns?!\'