The System Mistook Me for a Cat

The officers meowed a couple of times, and realizing the cat seemed to genuinely want to lead them rather than beg for food, they followed—

As police officers, they had encountered more unusual incidents than the average person, and it wasn't impossible for a cat to be intelligent and understand human intentions, so they decided to see where it led.

Thus, they came upon the "cat colony."

Stray cats were gathered on a hillside, grooming each other and fighting, while below the hill, they could hear the faint sound of a girl crying. As the officers approached, the stray cats immediately scattered. The police looked down and discovered You Zhenzhen... and Three-Five-Five beside her.

Three-Five-Five still had the crow in its mouth. You Zhenzhen tried to lunge forward to hug the cat, but as soon as she moved, Three-Five-Five raised its paw and pressed it against her forehead.

It took the police officers some time to carry You Zhenzhen up the hill. When they turned around, they saw the large calico cat and reached out to offer it a hand up, only to find that the calico nimbly avoided them and easily climbed up the hill, stepping on loose rocks and clumps of dirt.

The crow in its mouth was still flapping, meowing as it flapped. Just as everyone turned to look, the crow let out a "woof-meow."

Police officer: "This crow speaks more than one foreign language, huh?"

You Zhenzhen: "..."

She opened her mouth and let out a hiccuping sob.

Since it was still a life, someone wanted to rescue the crow from Three-Five-Five's mouth, but Three-Five-Five cautiously kept its distance from them... At this point, the priority seemed to be taking the girl to the hospital rather than saving the bird, so they had to give up.

One of the police officers glanced at Three-Five-Five: "This cat... looks somewhat familiar?"

As if he had seen it recently in a local video recommendation?

You Zhenzhen was taken to the hospital, and Three-Five-Five returned to the Taoist temple with the crow still in its mouth.

A group of stray cats once again filed in, amazing the people at the temple, who were unsurprised to see the cats gather around their little actress once more.

The Little Taoist Priest also squatted nearby, looking at the cats, then at Chu Tingwu, back at the cats, and then at Chu Tingwu again. Suddenly, he reached out and pulled out the police chief cat that was mixed in with the others: "Yanzi! Didn't you already eat? Why are you here mooching food too?"

Yanzi, who had actually earned her food through labor: Meow!?

Chu Tingwu finished distributing rewards to the cats and borrowed a stainless steel cube-shaped cover from the film crew to cover the crow.

Three-Five-Five spat out some bird feathers and meowed once, meaning: "Kid, didn't you want this bird before? I saw it on the way and caught it for you to play with."

Chu Tingwu: "=="

She was no longer a kitten who liked to play with birds; her toy was now a drone.

However, how should she deal with this crow?

Chu Tingwu had already heard from others: It was probably this crow that lured You Zhenzhen into the woods by mimicking cat calls, causing her to get lost. It had also once insulted Elder Zhang's chestnut cat, hurting the little cat's feelings — in an animal court, it might have been sentenced to a fixed-term imprisonment, but unfortunately, there was no animal court in this world.

She first called the Forestry Bureau, and they replied quickly: "A crow? Is it a white-necked crow or a raven... No special characteristics? Oh, so it's quite ordinary. Caught by a cat? We'll send someone to take a look. If it's not injured, just release it back into the wild."

Little Zheng, the employee sent by the Forestry Bureau, thoroughly examined the crow and quickly determined that it was indeed unharmed. Meanwhile, the Little Taoist Priest, upon learning that the captured crow could meow, came over to take a look and added: "This crow... I think it used to always hang around with Ah Huang. Oh, Ah Huang was an old stray cat we took in here. He died of illness a few months ago."

In the video, the cat was curled up sleeping, with the crow perched on top of it, dozing off. There were also scenes where it hopped around on the cat, picking off fleas, while the cat only occasionally flicked its tail.

The Little Taoist Priest remembered this crow because of its ability to meow, and now seeing it again, he felt quite emotional: "I thought it had flown away..."

Little Zheng: "Then it probably lives around here. Let's release it here. Oh, and we should put up a sign saying not to follow cats into the woods... following crows that can meow isn't okay either."

Chu Tingwu: "Wait."

She reached out and took the crow from Little Zheng's hands.

The crow was warm, and she could feel the temperature of its body in her palm. Realizing it had been transferred, it turned its head 180 degrees and let out a sweet, cloying meow at Chu Tingwu — as if begging for mercy.

However, Chu Tingwu let out a stern "meow," her tone serious.

The crow suddenly flapped its wings, its small eyes fixed intently on Chu Tingwu, seemingly very surprised.

Chu Tingwu scolded it in cat language, telling it not to be rude anymore... although it might not listen. Then, she raised her other hand—

And lightly flicked the bird's forehead three times.

The crow: "Caw!?"

Little Zheng took the crow back with a wry smile, deciding to take it to the forest for release.

... Originally, Chu Tingwu thought that would be the end of the matter.

But the next day, when Chu Tingwu opened her front door, she found Three-Five-Five crouching on the edge of the flower bed in the yard, with a familiar-looking bird in its mouth.

Chu Tingwu: "... Wait."

Three-Five-Five spat out the crow, which immediately flew up to the windowsill, "meowing" complaints in cat swear words.

You learned some dirty language from Ah Huang back then, huh?

Three-Five-Five elegantly spat out some feathers and told Chu Tingwu:

Early in the morning, she heard the sound of a bird flapping, and then she found this familiar troublemaker peeking from the wall, so she went up and caught it... Baby, do you really not want to play with it?

Chu Tingwu: "Thanks, but no thanks."

She waved at the crow again: "Don't come back. If Three-Five-Five doesn't use her mouth, the tabby and the big orange cat will catch you too."

Why does a bird keep coming to a house full of cats? Does it enjoy repeatedly flirting with death?

The crow cawed once, then flew away.

Chu Tingwu guessed that after being released, it had returned to the Taoist temple and then followed her all the way home, learning the route — crows are very intelligent birds, capable of thinking and mimicking, and she had a feeling this bird would likely come back.

Sure enough, the next day, just as Chu Tingwu entered Teacher Zhang's house, the crow swooped down and landed on the ginkgo tree with a rustle.

Below the tree, Shikuai was digging in the soil for bugs. He looked up, saw the crow above, and immediately became curious.

Shikuai: "Meow?"

The crow coughed once, instantly attracting the attention of several humans.

Then, the crow said: "Your mommy doesn't want you anymore, she has other kittens outside..."

Chu Tingwu: "..." She knew it!

Teacher Zhang, hearing from Aunt Mei that a crow had landed on the tree, was a bit confused: "This crow... doesn't seem to be saying anything nice?"

But Shikuai, who was being trash-talked, wasn't angry. He just asked in confusion: "How do you know? My mommy isn't even here, meow."

He knew Teacher Zhang wasn't his mother; humans can't give birth to kittens, after all.

Crow: "?"

Crow: "Destroy human tyranny, the world belongs to cats!"

Shikuai: "You talk so interestingly! What is this? It's so cool! Can I learn it too?"

Chu Tingwu silently reached out and covered Shikuai's little cat ears—

Little kitty, don't learn random things, go play with your bugs!

However, for some reason, that crow seemed to have fixated on Shikuai, and for the next few days, it kept appearing around Teacher Zhang's villa. Every time it said something crude, Shikuai would just respond stupidly, not understanding at all—

But Teacher Zhang welcomed it. The crow seemed to know only a limited number of phrases, often repeating the same cat language... probably all learned haphazardly from following Ah Huang back then.

Teacher Zhang would record it and ask Chu Tingwu to translate. He even gave the crow a nickname, "Classmate Wu," meaning they were all students learning cat language.

Your classmate's best language skills are cat swear words. Do you have any thoughts on this, Teacher Zhang?

So when Teacher Zhang heard this kind of question, he started teaching Chu Tingwu Russian swear words the next day: "Actually, many people learn swear words first when studying a language... I'm just worried you might be learning these too early."

But now it seemed that even cats didn't speak very cleanly.

Chu Tingwu: "=="

She warned, "This crow is quite large, be careful it doesn't peck at Shikuai's tail fur."

She had no confidence in this crow's bird manners.

Shikuai continued to be silly and happy day after day. One day when Chu Tingwu came over, she saw Aunt Mei knitting a small scarf for the crow. The crow was no longer just perching on trees and rooftops; it was sitting on a nearby coat rack, tilting its head to watch the humans work, and softly meowed.

It said: "The sun is so nice today, come play with me for a while longer."

Shikuai looked up and responded with a "meow".

However, the crow hopped on the railing, then repeated the same words again. After the third time, it finally came down and snuggled up to Shikuai.

The two black little animals touched heads, bodies pressed together. The crow gently tilted its head and used its beak to groom Shikuai's fur.

Chu Tingwu suddenly realized that this phrase might have been something Ah Huang used to say.

On the crow's side, did it mean that whenever Ah Huang said this, it was time for their grooming session?

From today onwards, Teacher Zhang's little villa had another wild crow that came and went as it pleased.

-

Chu Tingwu bought some bird food for the crow. On her way home, she received a message from You Zhenzhen, who seemed to have finished recuperating and came specially to thank her.

The coffee aroma in the café wasn't unpleasant. You Zhenzhen ordered a milk tea for Chu Tingwu, while she had black coffee herself.

Sunlight streamed through the glass onto the table. Three-Five-Five, sitting nearby, squinted and raised its front paw to swat at the air.

After sitting down, You Zhenzhen first glanced at Three-Five-Five, then took out some freshly developed photos from her bag. It was the picture of the bird and cat facing off.

"I came specially to thank you," You Zhenzhen stared into Chu Tingwu's eyes. "If it weren't for Three-Five-Five saving my life, I don't know what would have happened to me today..."

She hesitated for a moment, as if wanting to say something, but put it aside for now.

Then, she pushed the photo in front of Chu Tingwu: "This was taken when I was rescued. I want to give it to you, and then enter it in a photography competition in your name. Is that okay?"

This was indeed a very nice gift. The photo captured Three-Five-Five looking particularly handsome. Any cat owner wouldn't refuse it.

Good photos rely on luck, a moment of inspiration, and a bit of skill. Obviously, You Zhenzhen had adequate technique and happened to catch both inspiration and luck. This photo even had a story and emotional quality to it, making it a very captivating image.

"If it's for the 'Dancing with Phoenix, Accompanied by Beauty' themed photography competition, you should enter it under your own name," Chu Tingwu looked at the photo. "Then you can print out a copy for me?"

You Zhenzhen immediately stood up, smiling happily: "Then this one is for you!"

Chu Tingwu explained: "Actually, your roommate had already called the police at that time. They would have found you after searching for a while longer. You don't need to be so grateful to me."

Still so polite.

You Zhenzhen: "Mm, I know... So, Little Teacher Chu, do you need an assistant?"

What kind of development was this?

Before Chu Tingwu could speak, the system suddenly interjected: "She's trying to lure you in!"

Chu Tingwu: "?"

You Zhenzhen looked very serious. She took a deep breath, then took out a stack of freshly printed resumes from her bag:

"I'm studying finance at Fallen Phoenix University of Technology, about to start my junior year. In another year, I can start internships. My mother is a photographer who contributes to 'World News' and 'Blue Star Mysteries' magazines, so I started playing with photography when I was very young. I also participated in competitions in middle school... Look at these, they're all photos I took in middle school."

She seemed very nervous, constantly pinching her fingers while Chu Tingwu looked at the photos: "I was thinking... I might not be as good at filming and editing videos as your partner, but there are other things I can do. Your partner seems to be abroad, right? Little Teacher Chu, you're already very famous, but you still have to go to school. If you want to be a long-term content creator without losing fans, you definitely need an assistant to help with miscellaneous tasks—plus you're also running an APP and giving tutoring lessons, so you must need someone to help run errands, right?"

She didn't wait for Chu Tingwu to speak, quickly taking out her phone to show her account panel on the 365 Cat Census APP. The number of cats could fully prove that she was a deep user.

"I think," You Zhenzhen said softly, "my disadvantage is that I haven't graduated yet, but my advantage is that I understand the work content and have a lot of enthusiasm for the job."

Her eyes sparkled brightly, emitting intense waves of light as if saying: "Take me in! Take me in! Take me in..."

What she didn't know was that Chu Tingwu's partner system was also muttering in her mind:

[This human wants to pet you! Look, here are her comment records from your live stream, and these are her post records on the New Plum app. She checks in on your topic area every day, with her last comment being "Such a cute Chu kitty, I want to kiss you to death—"]

Chu Tingwu: "Stop talking."

Leave some dignity for people.

The system grumbled:

[Baby, let me tell you, this is how humans lure cats! First, they find excuses to get close to the kitty. Once the kitty gets used to being petted, they suddenly take the cat home. Then some silly kitties can't escape anymore, eating and sleeping all day long, while being touched by humans... Although, although you're definitely not a silly kitty, she looks like she really wants to touch you...]

Chu Tingwu didn't think You Zhenzhen's intention was really to "lure a cat". The system had identified her as a cat, but You Zhenzhen surely knew she was human.

She closed the other's resume and looked at the young woman five years her senior. You Zhenzhen's attitude was very sincere, as if everything she did was to express gratitude. But if it was just gratitude, she seemed too anxious about Chu Tingwu's answer.

Chu Tingwu: "I don't have plans to hire an assistant."

You Zhenzhen's gaze dimmed.

Chu Tingwu tilted her head, staring at the person in front of her, and suddenly said: "If you want to enter the entertainment industry or become a director, being an assistant can be a stepping stone, but this job doesn't have much value, and you shouldn't be looking for me—"

"So I don't think this is your real purpose."

"If you don't want to say your true thoughts..." She glanced at her phone, "Then I'll go to my tutoring lesson."

You Zhenzhen: "..."

Chu Tingwu's tone was cold, but her actions were patient. She still sat across the coffee table, quietly looking at her face, seemingly waiting for her to make a decision.

"I..." You Zhenzhen said softly, "Although I like cats, I'm not actually that obsessed, not to the point of going out to photograph cats every day. I just thought, if I could get second place in the software rankings, with my ID right next to yours, I could find a chance to chat with you."

For example, sending a message saying: "Look, this second place happens to be me!"

Chu Tingwu was a bit puzzled but didn't interrupt.

You Zhenzhen: "Then, after chatting more, we could probably become friends."

"And then she can lure the cat," the system said gravely.

Chu Tingwu: "..." Hey.

She understood now: You Zhenzhen actually just wanted to be friends with her, but didn't dare to say it directly. So she first intensively used the APP to get a high ranking, and then applied to be an assistant, so that the two could communicate frequently.

Why couldn't she just say it directly? Chu Tingwu didn't understand, but she knew some people just have this kind of personality.

If they say it directly and get rejected, it's a terrifying thing for them. They'll keep replaying it in their minds in the dead of night and secretly cry... The above content was all said by the system.

Although the system had labeled You Zhenzhen as a "cat lurer", the decision was still in Chu Tingwu's hands.

"I'm not sure if we can become friends," she said, extending her hand to the "big sister" in front of her. "I don't have many friends, and no one has ever formally asked to be my friend like this... You've prepared so much. No matter how much time passes, I'll surely remember this."

You Zhenzhen held her hand in a daze, listening as she continued:

"Whether we can become long-term friends depends on if our personalities match, but you can message me every day, and I'll reply when I see it. Go home and rest now. See you later."

You Zhenzhen: "Ah... see you later."

Chu Tingwu smiled and left with Three-Five-Five.

You Zhenzhen sat in place for a long time, then suddenly dropped her head on the table, startling the customers at the next table.

"Chu Meow-meow, you're going to make me die from wanting to kiss you..."

[She really wants to kidnap a cat. What kind of death is 'dying from kisses'? As far as I know, no cat has ever died that way—]

Chu Tingwu: "Shut up."

System: "Oh."

A few days later, Chu Tingwu was invited out by You Zhenzhen again. This time, she was handed a thick stack of plans.

Chu Tingwu: "?"

You Zhenzhen clenched her fist: "Maintaining a good long-term friendship requires common ground! So I've decided to get involved in your daily work—if there's no work, I can create work!"

Chu Tingwu: "??"

She wasn't very keen on having work created for her.

You Zhenzhen seemed much more confident than when they first met. Chu Tingwu silently read through the plans and understood her intention: The 365 Cat Census was currently only famous among her fan base. To maintain long-term operations and expand influence, the app definitely needed a way to generate income and attract investment.

Before discussing investment, her app needed to be launched, which required registering a company. It's inconvenient for minors to register, so partnering with an adult would be more suitable. But who would be willing to be the legal representative for a minor's company? You Zhenzhen wanted to take on this risk and start the company as partners, then try to negotiate for investment.

Her age was an advantage; though she was also of college age, it was still much more convenient than Chu Tingwu's situation.

Moreover, she would only be responsible for operations, with decision-making power remaining in Chu Tingwu's hands. You Zhenzhen knew what kind of investors Chu Tingwu wanted and wouldn't interfere with her decisions.

The app could be launched, but making money was secondary—helping cats was the main goal. Not everyone could understand this mindset, but You Zhenzhen could.

The system could do more... but it couldn't become a human to communicate with another person.

Chu Tingwu: "Alright."

"I'll still handle the operations, but I'll have to rely on you for a lot of the offline work."

You Zhenzhen sighed in relief: "That's still a win for me."

She had more confidence than Chu Tingwu.

Her confidence was quickly rewarded. After signing the contract and registering the company, Director Yang from Little Sun Hospital proactively offered them their first investment.

Director Yang believed that once the app was launched, many businesses related to cat products would discover its huge potential for advertising—as long as the promotion was done well and there were enough users. She invested early to get a higher return rate.

But You Zhenzhen shouldered this trust.

The "Zhenzhen" in her name came from "lush green leaves," describing flourishing plants. Her parents hoped she would grow up well. As she grew older, she joked that her name meant "attentive and thorough," diligent and meticulous... But now she realized that a name is just a title, and whether she wanted to grow lush like a tree depended entirely on herself.

"Don't you think so, Three-Five-Five?"

Three-Five-Five: "?"

Since the company started, You Zhenzhen had more excuses to visit Chu Tingwu. Every time she came, she would chat with Three-Five-Five for half a day and even bought many toys for him.

...Although in the end, the tabby and the big orange cat played with most of the toys.

"Anyway," You Zhenzhen clasped her hands together, "I hope Chu Chu's filming goes smoothly today, and that I'll have good luck too."

The professional parkour coach hired by the crew had arrived, and Chu Tingwu was about to start filming.

When Chu Tingwu told her about the filming, You Zhenzhen looked at Chu Meow's young face and really wanted to abandon work to be an assistant on set. She could pass water and towels super fast, and even help hold the cats!

Three-Five-Five wandered to the side, where You Zhenzhen had placed a "cat button." Different buttons would play different human voices, like "eat," "drink," "love you," and so on. Three-Five-Five raised his paw and pressed:

"Dream on-Dream on-Dream on—"

You Zhenzhen: "QAQ"

You Zhenzhen: "Wait, let me take this call..."

You Zhenzhen: "Yes, this is 365 Cat Census... Yes, yes, you... Okay!!!"

"Chu Chu! Wait a moment, let me drive you guys to the set!"

She had to go to a meeting at the neighboring Fallen Phoenix City Cultural and Tourism Bureau—

Although she had dreamed of a big promotion for the app, she never dreamed it would be this big?!