Re:life with Karmic Gacha (Modern Family)

Chapter 160: Chapter 160: Wisconsin (2) - Awkward Dinner.

My grandpa was sitting at the head of the table with my grandmother next to him, on the same side as my Aunt May, the teacher and myself.

On the other side was my dad, Camila, and also my annoying cousin Amy. There was an empty seat for my uncle Aaron, my other cousin and my uncle-in-law— Amy\'s dad, Jim.

"Where\'s Uncle Jim?" I asked my aunt May as I passed the bread to Allison.

My aunt smiled proudly and said, "Well he\'s taking Maggie to California to visit her college. He\'ll be back tomorrow. Ohhh I\'m so proud of her!"

I furrowed my eyebrow and said, "Oh, she\'s got into Santa Clara right. That\'s only an hour away from our house. By the way, why didn\'t you tell me? They can ride back here with us."

My grandmother interrupted, "Oh it\'s fine. They bought the tickets a month ago. I don\'t want them to go to waste."

"Well you can actually get a refund, and then ride home for free." I said with a smirk.

My grandparents and my aunt were confused. I asked them, "How do you think we got here?"

"You bought a ticket...Right?" My grandpa asked.

"Edward\'s got a plane." My aunt Camila blurted out.

"YOU GOT A PLANE?!" My grandmother shouted in disbelief.

"Hey! I wanted to say that." I laughed at my aunt while the rest of my family was stunned. "So Grandma and Grandpa, if you want to go somewhere. Just give me a heads up and I\'ll arrange it for you."

"As long as it doesn\'t interfere with his performance schedule." My dad added.

"(Mockingly) As LoNg aS iT dOesn\'t interfere-" My cousin was murmuring by herself, so I catapulted a green pea at her using a spoon.

"Hey. You little-"

"You\'re the one who\'s little now Strawberry Shortcake." I interjected. She hmph\'ed and pouted before saying, "I haven\'t hit puberty yet."

"Your growth spurt started 2 years ago. Admit it. This is as far as you\'ll grow!"

"Ed. Don\'t tease Amy so much. She will cry." My aunt said gently. I nodded at her and said, "Well she used to tease me a lot in the past. Now, she has to experience the consequences of her actions."

My cousin sneered and said, "A nice way of saying that you could NEVER beat me before, so you can only use your newfound height to suppress me."

"Yes." I said while pointing at her. She got irritated but I ignored her response.

My dad smiled as we heard her. Granted, I did succumb to her bullying a few years back, but it wasn\'t a hostile bullying situation, and the main reason I always lost was because my dad asked me to be gentle when dealing with a little girl.

"What about Uncle Aaron?" I asked.

Amy was playing with her food before she said, "Didn\'t you hear?"

"Huh? What happened to him?"

"Well he got divorced. His wife was cheating on him with the town pastor." Amy spilled the tea. I widened my eyes in surprise then my grandmother cleared her throat and said, "Amy please. Not in front of the guest."

"Well I guess she\'s been calling him \'Daddy\' instead of \'Father\' then huh..." I added, causing my grandmother to look at me in disbelief while Amy was laughing.

Allison laughed awkwardly as my grandmother smiled at her.

"So Ed. How rich are you now?" My grandpa asked to change the subject.

"I could live comfortably for a few years even if I stopped now." I replied. My granddad nodded his head in approval and said, "Just don\'t lose yourself in your riches. That\'s the most important thing."

"Sam, you\'re not asking him more about the plane?" My grandmother asked in both shock and anger.

"Well what\'s more to ask? He got a plane." My granddad replied in a tired manner.

"So Allison. Tell me about yourself." I asked in a magnetic voice as I looked at the Jennifer Garner look alike who sat next to me at the long dinner table. She blushed a bit and brushed her hair behind her ear while I kept staring at her face intently.

"Edward, you\'re making her feel uncomfortable." My grandmother said in a scolding manner.

I pretended to have a realization and asked, "Oh...Did I really? I\'m sorry Miss Allison."

"Oh. No. I\'m not uncomfortable at all!" Miss Allison spoke quickly. I turned to my grandmother with a grin, "See? She\'s not uncomfortable at all."

My grandmother rolled her eyes before getting back to her food while I flirted with the kindergarten teacher.

"Well, I am currently teaching a kindergarten class in town. And I just moved here a month ago. Um...What else? What else? Oh right, I love my job, and I hope that the kids in my class will warm up to me soon. Most of the boys seem to avoid me, and I\'m not quite sure why."

She was excited about her job, and it was clear to see on her face. Her dimple caught my eyes and my heart couldn\'t help but skip a beat as she accidentally met my gaze.

"It\'s because they have a crush on you." I muttered, causing her to widen her eyes before blushing. "No they don\'t." She shook her head shyly.

"No. I\'m sure that they do. I can say confidently that 9 out of 10 boys in the class have a crush on you. Hell I would\'ve had a crush on you if you were my teacher." I maintained eye contact while slowly pouring the wine in her glass.

"It\'s hard not too when you see the perfect woman in front of you." I added.

"You\'re kidding." Miss Allison said as she fanned her hot face, and let me tell you it wasn\'t just because she had eaten my grandmother\'s spicy chili.

"What about the 1/10?" My cousin interjected, destroying the mood.

"Well that one is already falling in love. Unlike you who has stunted development. Also, eat your peas and no meddling, the adults are talking."

She grimaced and smacked the table, "I\'m older than you!"

I scoffed and said, "By 3 days. And when you think about it it\'s not surprising you were born on April 1st given how big of a joke you are."

She gasped while Miss Allison was chuckling. Seeing that she was humiliated in front of a guest she kinda likes, she exploded.

"Oh that\'s it. You and me. Outside, right now!" She stood up quickly and slammed her napkin on her empty table. I smiled but before I could answer, my dad interjected, "Amy. Can I please ask you, as a personal favor, not to wrestle with Ed today?"

"But-"

"Dad, it\'s fine. I want to take my revenge after all these years of getting bullied by her. Now that I\'ve hit puberty, she has lost her chance to win against me in a fair fight."

She scoffed and said, "Who said I\'m going to fight fairly?" She gazed at my crotch which alarmed me a little bit. It made me understand that I would need to protect my weak part in the fight after this.

"Amy. Please sit." My aunt said in a stern manner, unbecoming of her temperament. I furrowed my eyebrow in irritation while Amy was shaken and she sat down obediently after that.

My grandmother was concerned, "Amy. They\'re kids. And apparently no homecoming is complete without Amy and Edward fighting each other."

"But you know what just happened to Edward." My aunt muttered, causing me to frown.

"I\'m fine, Aunt May. Don\'t worry about me. It was nothing." I replied to her, but my dad interrupted me.

"Amy. I\'m sorry. But for Edward\'s sake. Don\'t rile him up too much these few days okay?" My dad asked sincerely.

"Dad. I told you I\'m fine." I said with a hint of agitation in my tone.

"Well that\'s not up for you to decide is it?" My dad blurted out with an angry voice subconsciously. My grandmother was taken aback, while I narrowed my eyes at him.

I sighed without saying anything before changing the subject. "Grandma. Grandpa. I\'m confused about something."

"What is it dear?" She asked in a sweet manner while my granddad just looked at me.

"Well, you\'re 55. And my dad is 45. Considering that Uncle Aaron is the firstborn and is at 50 years old this year, he has a 5 years old age difference with you. So...(Gasp!) Grandpa!"

"It\'s not what you think!" My grandpa said quickly with a nervous voice.

My aunt was shaking while my grandpa raised his head from his plate to stare at me. My grandmother laughed and said, "That took you long enough to find out."

"Find out what?" My cousin Amy was confused.

"Well I did figure it out years before, but I never had the courage to actually ask about it." I muttered in a casual manner.

Well my grandmother wasn\'t my true grandmother after all. My grandpa\'s first wife died of tuberculosis while my dad was 17, and my aunt May was the result of my grandpa\'s second marriage.

So that made Amy my second cousin. I think. I\'m not so sure about it.

"Wait. What?" My cousin was shocked when she realized it.

"Dummy." I insulted her. It took a while for my grandmother to finish the story, and without me even noticing, I was already finished with my food.

I wiped my mouth with a napkin before saying to the crowd, "Excuse me. I have some work matters to attend to." Then, I stood up and left the dinner table and went to my room after washing my dishes in the kitchen sink.

"I\'ll go with you." My cousin said as she stood up and followed me from behind.

[General POV]

"Allison. I\'m sorry for Edward." The grandmother said.

"Oh not at all. He\'s been really nice. It\'s even...kinda unexpected." Allison smiled warmly.

Grandpa Sam sighed after Edward left the dinner table.

"Do you really have to poke the wasp\'s nest like that? You can see that Edward is barely maintaining his temper around you. What a good kid. If you were my dad, I\'d already shot you." Sam muttered with some annoyance.

Ted shook his head in disappointment, but his disappointment wasn\'t with others, but with himself. "I know. I made a mistake."

"It\'s not Ted\'s fault. He\'s been under so much pressure these last 2 days." Camila muttered worriedly.

Granny Jules held Ted\'s hand and said sweetly, "Ted Honey. I know that you\'re worried about Edward. But putting a bubble wrap on him won\'t work."

"I\'m not. I just want him to take it easy for a while. But no matter what I do he just won\'t listen to me." Ted said pitifully.

The grandmother patted his arm to comfort him while Aunt May said, "He\'s in a rebellious age. Of course he won\'t listen to you. It\'s the same thing with Amy."

"I just hope they won\'t cause chaos like they did when they were younger. Last time they released the cows from the shed and I had to search all over town to find them. We even found some of them staring at a ribeye poster in a restaurant parking lot, and I\'m pretty sure that those are still traumatized." Grandpa Sam muttered.

...

"Who are you calling? Your girlfriend?" My cousin badgered me as I laid down on the bottom part of the double decker bed. She was peeking at me from the top bunk, and was annoying me the whole time I was getting myself settled.

"Shut up or I\'ll place you up in the fridge." I warned her.

She sneered and said, "Try it. I\'ll tear your balls off before you can do it."

"Shhh Amy." I shushed her as the call was connected.

"Hey Haley. How\'s the first day of Family Camp?" I asked her with a laugh.

"It\'s PRETTY FREAKING AWFUL! The mosquitoes are feasting on my blood. I\'ve been bitten almost 20 times already." She complained. "Also, there isn\'t any wifi anywhere other than the dorm, so I was bored out of my mind for the whole day."

"Aww. That\'s harsh." I listened intently.

"I know right? And to think I have to spend 2 weeks living like a savage over here. Do you know how much gossip I\'ll miss out on? And when I get back, all of them will already be irrelevant."

"That\'s true." I nodded and asked, "You have another activity planned for tonight right?"

"Yeah. The stupid Art and Culture night thing. Dad wants to audition for a part, which is soo embarrassing."

"Oh. What kind of play is it?" I asked curiously.

"I don\'t know? I don\'t remember, and I\'m not INTERESTED" Haley replied in annoyance.

"But this is something good. And you should definitely make your dad audition for the main lead part."

"He\'s not going to do that. He wants to get started on a small part-" Haley stopped her sentence in realization.

I smirked and said, "You noticed it too right? He wants to get started small, then the next few years, he\'s going to vie for bigger and bigger parts. So you\'re going to have to go to Family Camp for years!"

"You\'re right!" Haley was in disbelief. "Oh, that guy is so slick. I was almost tricked by him. I\'m going to make sure that he gives it all and peaks in this camp. That way, we won\'t be coming here anymore."

I laughed a bit and said, "Good. You should join him too. I\'d already told Alex to email me pictures after you all get home. Also, talking about a slick dad, want to hear something awful?"

"What? What did your dad do now? Is he sleeping in the corridor in front of your room again?" Haley asked with a chuckle.

"Nah. He and my grandma made it seem like we don\'t have enough room and made me bunk with my demonic midget hell spawned cousin."

"HEY!" Amy shouted in offense as she could hear everything.

Haley was taken aback, "Oh. Your cousin...is a girl?"

"Yeah. But don\'t worry. We\'re not in Alabama, so it\'s safe." I joked. Haley snorted as she held back her laugh. She was clear about the Alabama joke as I explained it to her before.

"Why Alabama?" Amy asked in confusion.

"Didn\'t your mother tell you it\'s not good behavior to eavesdrop on someone\'s conversation?" I scolded her before going back to the call.

"Why are you so mean to me?!" Amy yelled in annoyance and teary eyes before running out of the room.

"Ed. Did she cry? You\'re being really mean and I mean... if she cried." Haley muttered in concern. I was shocked when I saw Amy running out and muttered, "Yeah, I guess I was being king of an asshole. Although in my defense. She started it."

"Huh? What did she do?" Haley asked in intrigue.

"Well...if you must know...it started during the summer when we were 7 years old."

[Flashback 5 years ago]

A young Edward with a messy wolf cut hairstyle opened the fridge and took out a box of Eggo (Frozen Waffle Brand), only to find it was empty.

He looked at the young Amy who was eating the waffle in front of the TV and said, "Did you eat the last Eggo and put the empty box back into the fridge?"

"Yeah." Amy replied non-committedly. She then smiled and said instigatively, "That must suck huh Vivaldi?"

"You played with my feelings. I was excited to have an Eggo on my last morning here, but you ruined it with your devil-tainted pranks. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS."

Seemingly challenged by Edward\'s declaration, Amy muttered, "Oh yeah? Then how about this?"

She then dropped the half-eaten waffle on the floor on purpose right in front of Edward\'s angry gaze.

[Flashback ends]

"So...your fight started since then?" Haley muttered in disbelief.

"Yeah. That\'s why you should never test me with food stuff. Especially the sweet ones I could never have when I get back home. As I just showed I do hold a really long grudge about that." I explained.

"You know what? I want to say be mature, but I\'m sure you\'ll already know better." Haley muttered. "Mom\'s here. I have to go."

"Alright. I\'ll call you tomorrow?" I stood up and tried to figure out which way Amy went.

"And don\'t you dare forget about it!" Haley said before ending the call.

...

I searched all over the house before walking to the barn and then the stables, but I couldn\'t find where Amy had run off too.

"Damn that midget." I cursed before I met Apollo, our Shepherd dog who was taking care of the goats.

"Hey Big guy. Long time no see." I petted the old dog for a while, causing him to wag his tail in excitement. "Do you know where Amy went?" I asked the dog.

He then turned his head to the direction of the hill. I sighed and asked, "Can you lead me to her?"

He nodded and walked in front of me a few steps before stopping and turning his head back to make sure that I was following him. We walked for over 1o minutes before I could finally see where Amy had gone.

She was sitting inside a tire swing under an oak tree, wiping her tears with the back of her hand as she processed her emotion.

"Amy?" I called out. She was surprised to see me there, "Go away Ed. I know you don\'t like me too." Apollo left me behind and went towards Amy before he put his head on her feet, trying to cheer her up.

"Too? Who else doesn\'t like you? That privilege is reserved just for me, so I need to know who dares to try and snatch it." I joked as I walked close to her, but a murderous glint shined in my eyes. I

She was silent, so I tried to persuade her, "Come on. Talk to me."

"No." She pouted and turned her head away to avoid looking at my face.

"Come on. I\'m sorry I called you a demonic midget. That\'s unfair. You\'re not a demon." I said.

"BUT I AM A MIDGET?!" She shouted incredulously before standing up, "You have a lot of nerve calling me that after you ignored me for almost 3 years! Now you\'re back, and you hate me, and my stomach is cramping– and my sister is going away, and everything has changed, and I don\'t know what to do."

Her chin quivered and her eyes were red, but she stared at me right in the face as if telling me that all that was happening to her was actually my fault.

I was stunned for a bit and then I smiled wryly, "Well I\'m sorry for the part where I got something to do with it."

"As if! You must be pretty happy right now! With your singing career taking off, your private plane, dating a star- I hope that you\'ll choke on the heroin you\'re pushing up your nose."

"I haven\'t done drugs yet though." I replied casually. "Also, I said I\'m sorry. What more do you want?"

She was irritated and she stood up, "Come at me."

"Huh?" I was confused when I saw her getting into a stance.

"I always knew one day you\'d be taller than me, so I\'ve been learning martial arts to take you down when it happens."

"Oh. Good for you."

"STOP BEING SO SMIRKY! I\'ll throw you down on the floor... But I need you to lunge at me first as I haven\'t learned how to do it when you\'re standing yet!"

I laughed out loud and said, "Give up. I also have a black belt in martial arts."

She widened her eyes in surprise and said, "Really.... FFFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!"

I waited for her to vent out her emotion first before saying, "Let\'s go back. I\'ll pop some Eggo into the microwave for you, how does that sound?\'

"I\'m not a child!" She scoffed before her eyes shook in hesitation, "Will you put some whipped cream on it too?"

"As much as you want." I promised.

She then thought for a while and then said, "Okay. But one more word about my height, and I swear to god that I\'ll throw you down this hill."

She saw my smirking face and then her face turned horrified.

"I\'ll tell Grandma that you used god\'s name in vain."

"What? No I Didn\'t! EDDY!"

I walked away quickly and she had to run after me from behind to make sure that I didn\'t rat her out to our grandmother. Apollo followed us around in excitement as we walked back to our house.

From her little tantrum episode, I noticed one thing. If you asked me what the Dunphy\'s were doing, and how their life was going, I could answer it all in detail.

But when it comes to my own family, I didn\'t know a damn thing about what was going on in their lives right now.

I didn\'t know that Amy had become more introverted after her boy friends didn\'t want to play with her anymore once they hit puberty, so she had been feeling quite left out.

I didn\'t know that Uncle Aaron had a divorce, which was a pretty big deal for me not to know anything about. I should help him get back on his feet soon. And also while I was helping, maybe I could convince him to bring me to a strip club.

"Well, I hope tomorrow will be better." I muttered before going to sleep.

...

The sky was still dark out when a loud rooster crow suddenly startled me from my sleep. Amy almost fell from the top bunk in surprise and I sat up hurriedly. Then we both turned to the corner of our room where a dumb looking rooster had infiltrated too.

"How in the hell?" I muttered in confusion, not knowing how the rooster managed to get in.

My grandpa barged into the room before we could collect ourselves and said, "Mornin\'. Brush your teeth and meet me at the barn. The cows are not going to milk themselves."

"Ugh." I groaned and fell back on the bed.

"Now Ed." My grandpa ordered.

"This kind of \'tomorrow\' isn\'t any better." I groaned as I reluctantly left my bed.