My Father in Law is Lu Bu

Original by Bro Got a Gun, Translated by James, Edited and Proofread by Jade

“Cao army! It’s the Cao army,” a voice shrilled from the front of the city.

“Prepare to engage the enemy!” A man wearing a helmet stepped out. On the walls, there was suddenly the sound of drums.

“Squad leader! Squad leader! It’s the sound of the drums! The Cao army is attacking us,” a soldier shouted from the side.

“Hey!” Cheng Yu yanked himself from the soldiers’ restraint. He stared at Liu Mang, saying “Consider yourself lucky. I’ll take care of you after taking care of the Cao army!” He then directed a group of his soldiers toward the front of the city.

“What the fuck is wrong with this world!?” Liu Mang raged. First he was beaten, then he almost lost his life. Having experienced so much in a single day, how could he not be angry?

Liu Mang walked toward the direction the soldiers left. He wanted to find his school mates; to find Chen Yi. He wanted to find her and make her introduce him to at least seventeen or eighteen girls as a compensation.

Liu Mang cursed as he walked. However, the more he walked, the harder it was for him to curse.

Ancient walls, dark red with spots of rust! The rows of triangular shaped houses and the wastelands...

Without noticing, Liu Mang arrived on top of a crenelated parapet wall. The scene in front of him caused him to freeze on the spot.

“Sha!” After arriving on top of the walls, a soldier in white grabbed his blade and started slashing at a soldier in black. As the slash hit, red liquid flew.

The soldier in black was not to be outdone. Although he was wounded, the spear he held still managed to pierce the soldier in white’s body. As he pulled his spear out, a series of things also followed.

“Blech!” Liu Mang immediately started puking. He most certainly could not have mistaken the red liquid as tomato sauce. It was blood. It really was blood! And those series of things... were guts.

Liu Mang’s vomiting wasn’t his main concern. Another soldier in white had climbed the wall. When he saw Liu Mang dressed in golden armor, he first appeared surprised and then overjoyed. He suspected that Liu Mang was a high ranking general. Thinking that he had caught a huge fish, he shouted toward his comrades nearby. “Our lord had given the order; a reward of ten gold for every LuBu soldier to be killed and fifty gold plus three promotions for every company commander and above. Shaaa ah!”

[TL: once again, keeping sha ah as the war cry instead of ‘Kiiilll! ah!’]

[TL: 都伯, after much consideration, I figured it should be a commander of 100 soldiers. Hence company commander.]

All of the sudden, Liu Mang became fifty gold and promotions to these soldiers in white.

“Lu Bu army?!” Liu Mang’s mouth started twitching. Earlier, when he was surrounded by those soldiers in black... the Cao army they spoke of... is this for real?!

Liu Mang was still in doubt, but a thundering sound caused him to be completely convinced.

“Lu Bu Lu Fengxian is here! Who dare intrude here!? Soldiers, follow my lead!” A towering man with his hair pulled back in a golden headdress, donning a flowery-patterned battle robe, encased in body armour decorated with images of the ni and wearing a precious belt adorned with the image of a lion came out. He gazed at the fight. The soldiers in black, who were originally facing immediate danger, suddenly gained a boost in morale and rushed out following him.

[TL: ni is a mythological lion]

“Lu Bu, Boss Lu?!” The man in front of him, despite not welding the Sky Piercer, was described exactly as written in history. Could it be that he really was Lu Bu?!

[TL: Sky Piercer is the english translation of Lu Bu’s halberd.]

While Liu Mang was distracted, he suddenly felt pain in his chest. A long sword had stabbed his chest. A fierce looking soldier in white was bleeding and staring at him with beastly eyes.

He wants to kill me? Having been born in a peaceful era, Liu Mang had never experienced such eyes. War was a distant thing, not to mention a war conducted by cold steel.

“Die traitor Lu!” The soldier in white forcefully stabbed Liu Mang’s chest with his long sword.

“Clang!” There was a crisp sound of metal colliding. Liu Mang could only feel the pain in his chest. The long sword created sparks as it collided with the Aries Gold Cloth.

Liu Mang could no longer have any complaints about his armor being constructed from metal. Had it been cardboard, he would’ve been dead. Liu Mang believed that the sword, although rusty and cracked all over, would have been able to penetrate his body easily.

“Fuck!” Liu Mang wasn’t weak minded, so he didn’t wet himself. However, he still panicked and started shouting. “Bro! Bro! I’m not part of this! You slashed the wrong person! Wrong person! Boss Lu’s subordinates are there!”

Although the Aries Gold Cloth covered him for the most part, Liu Mang was holding the helmet in his hand. At this point, it was too late for him to put it on.

“Bullshit! DIE!” He couldn’t pierce his chest but the head was free to be cut. The soldier in white licked his lips; Liu Mang had already become gold, land and promotions - the soldier’s credentials for wealth and status.

“Splash!” A gush of blood took off with it a head.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!” Warm blood sprayed across Liu Mang’s face. He screamed.

“Stop the scream!” A soldier in black stepped out from behind the headless corpse. He was the squad leader that sought to kill Liu Mang.

“Br-brother! I’m really-really not boss Cao’s subordinate!” Liu Mang stuttered.

The squad leader looked at Liu Mang but remained silent; he knew the golden armored man wasn’t Cao Cao, nor could he be Cao Cao’s subordinate. If he was, then that Cao army soldier would not attack him. Who was he? He was obviously not a part of the Lu Bu army.

The squad leader thought about it before wiping the blood off his face. “You follow me!” He figured he could continue to think about it after repelling the enemies. He then rushed toward the opposing army.

Follow you?! Liu Mang wasn’t stupid. Although the squad leader saved him, he had wanted to kill him earlier. Only an idiot would follow you! He ran in a different direction.

“What!” The squad leader killed yet another Cao soldier that came up the walls. He saw Liu Mang escaping so he threw away his broken blade. He then picked up a fresh weapon from a nearby corpse and started pursuing Liu Mang.

“The heck?! He’s chasing me?!” Liu Mang had already put on his helmet. While he was running, his Aries Gold Cloth had been glittering in the light, causing him to be a target for both Cao army and the Lu Bu army. Even if killing Liu Mang didn’t give gold or promotion, that armor he was wearing was still a priceless item.

Just as Liu Mang was stuck between a rock and a hard place, a thundering voice came from the palace on the wall. “Daring traitors!”

[TL: what a palace on the wall might look like http://file.chinatraveldesigner.com/2/kb/4f1869d5-2e0a-47bd-8485-3dbb6aed5e6b.jpg]

Wasn’t this the voice of Lu Bu, Boss Lu?

Cao Cao’s siege on Xiapi. Although watermarks were all over the walls, one could still see parts of the wall’s original construction.

[TL: Cao Cao ordered his soldiers to flood Xiapi, hence the watermarks.]

“On top of the White Gate Tower, Lu Bu was captured,” Liu Mang slowly muttered. Following the capture, Lu Bu was to be decapitated on White Gate Tower.

“Save Boss Lu! Rescue Boss Lu! I’ll live if I rescue Boss Lu!!!” Liu Mang was surrounded with enemies, isolated and without help. The Cao army wanted to kill him for riches and promotion. The Lu Bu army wanted to kill him for his armor. At this point, his only option was to save Boss Lu.

Right after rushing into the White Gate Tower, Liu Mang started feeling regret.

“Who art thou that darest break through the White Gate Tower!” A seven foot tall, bearded burly man glared at Liu Man. Behind him stood another robust man of similar size tying up Boss Lu.

[TL: original text uses chi, a chinese foot. 1 chi = 1.094 ft]

It was clearly written on the Romance of the Three Kingdoms that Song Xian first stole the Sky Piercer then, along with Wei Xu, captured and tied up Lu Bu.

“Damn it!” Liu Mang cursed in his heart. How could he possibly have forgotten about Wei Xu and Song Xian. If one compared the soldiers outside of the White Gate Tower to minions... then these two are most certainly bosses. Although these two are only second rated when compared to the rest of the generals in the Three Kingdoms, they were still generals. They were most certainly a lot stronger compared to Liu Mang who doesn’t know how to fight.

“Wrong direction, I went the wrong direction!” Liu Mang slowly retreated out of the White Gate Tower. He would rather face the horde of minions outside than the two bosses.

[If anyone could think of a less awkward way of saying wrong direction, please do tell.]

Song Xian glared at Liu Mang. The person in front of him, who wore such elegant golden armor, was most certainly a high ranking officer. Song Xian knew all the high ranking officers in the Lu Bu army. Thus, this person was most certainly not part of the Lu Bu army.

Could he have been prime minister Cao’s man?

“Perhaps sire works for prime minister Cao?!” Song Xian asked cautiously. To wear such golden armor, his position was most certainly not low.

“Prime minister Cao?!” Liu Mang understood right away. Song Xian and Wei Xu was likely tying Lu Bu up as a gift to Cao Cao. If he said no, then Song Xian would most likely chop off his head right then and there. Liu Mang decisively started nodding “Yes, yes, yes.”

“Oh, so it was prime minister Cao’s man.” Song Xian relaxed and laughed. “Myself is Song Xian and this is Wei Xu. I wonder how to address you, sire. For we are both working under prime minister Cao, regardless of positions, we should help each other.” Song Xian had already started making connections.

“Myself is Liu Mang. I work under general XiaHou as a company commander.” Liu Mang lied.

“Company commander?!” Unlike Song Xian, Wei Xu started doubting. A company commander wearing a golden armor. Are you fucking with me?

Song Xian gave Liu Mang a pat on the back and began trying to get friendly with him. “Brother Liu Mang, as you can see, we have captured traitor Lu. We are only waiting for prime minister Cao to arrive at the tower. As for the credits...” What Song Xian meant was that he should gain merits for capturing Lu Bu. Although he didn’t know what position the golden armored commander had in the Cao army, he knew that he was of a better standing than a surrendered enemy general like himself.

“Renegade! Renegade!” Lu Bu who was tied up stared at Song Xian and Wei Xu with glearing eyes. “Song Xian, Wei Xu, I have always treated you good. Why are you doing this!?” he yelled angrily.

“Noisy!” Song Xian refused to give Lu Bu a chance to speak. He found a piece of cloth and stuffed it in Lu Bu’s mouth. Lu Bu’s fury could only be heard as an ”mmmmm mmmm” sound. It wasn’t that Song Xian refused to answer, but rather that he felt guilty. Afterall, Lu Bu had treated both Wei Xu and him well. But even mole crickets and ants try to live, and if they had followed Lu Bu, they would’ve certainly died. As a talented bird chooses a tree to nest in, they too decided to choose a different patron to work under.

Right as Liu Mang was trying to find an opportunity to escape, Wei Xu who had not spoken a single word so far asked as if natural “I wonder how the injury to general Xiahou Dun’s right eye is.”

“What right eye, it’s the left eye!” Back when he was reading the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Liu Mang had previously debated over whether it was Xiahou Dun’s right or left eye that had been injured. Right after saying this, Liu Mang knew that this Wei Xu was testing him.

[TL: Raw says right eye instead of left eye... based on what I knew, Xiahou Dun lost his left eye.... unless all the dynasty warrior games were a lie!”

Seeing that Wei Xu’s hands were already on his blade, Liu Mang couldn’t help but get nervous. “Could I have mistakenly said the wrong thing!?” If he was killed because of this, he really couldn’t even cry over it. However, after noticing that Wei Xu’s hands left his blade, he felt a wave of relief.

“Brother Liu, do you know when prime minister Cao’s troops will arrive? We have already thrown Lu Bu’s Sky Piercer outside the gates.” Wei Xu lowered his guard against Liu Mang.

“Right away, right away!” Liu Mang remembered that these two good for nothings tied up Lu Bu, threw his weapon away, and in less than an hour the Cao army occupied White Gate Tower and execute Boss Lu.

“Lu Bu Lu Fengxian! Word of mouth had it that within men, Lu Bu, within horses, Red Hare! Former has it general Hou Cheng who presented the Red Hare. Latter has it generals Song Xian and Wei Xu tying Lu Bu. The three generals’ accomplishments are most certainly big! Boundless prospect!” complimented Liu Mang.

“You’re too kind,” said Song Xian. However, he was very much delighted in his mind.

[TL: nali nali is translated as where where, which is what Chinese people use to humbly denying a compliment. Currently using you’re too kind. If there’s a better translation, please do tell.]

To even know about general Hou taking the horse, Wei Xu finally believed Liu Mang.

“This Lu Bu, Marquis of Wen, looked very formidable!” Liu Mang pretended that he had never seen Lu Bu before and slowly walked toward him.

“I have always heard father and brothers say that Lu Bu, Marquis of Wen, is invincible on the battlefield, able to take on multiple foes at once. Having seen him today, he is merely so so.”

“Humph!” Lu Bu’s mouth was stuffed and he could not speak. All he could do was snort.

Father and brothers?! Having fought Lu Bu?! In the Cao army, those who are able to have fought Lu Bu and survive are only people like the Xiahou brothers, LiuGuanZhang, and Xu Chu. Every one of them are dauntless generals of the Cao army.

[TL: Xiahou brothers refer to Xiahou Dun and Xiahou Yuan. LiuGuanZhang refers to Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei.]

No wonder the small time company commander is wearing golden armor! This armor really is beautiful, with it’s huge horns, exquisite patterns, and it’s connecting plate armor.