I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell

In the past, humanity used terms like \'modernism\' and \'postmodernism\' to construct buildings and write literature. However, to the MZ generation of the apocalypse, such terms were outdated concepts. The new generation had evolved to be more practical.

“Are you crazy?”

“Pardon?”

“I counted the steps in the new house you built, and there are thirteen. Why did you build it that way? Do you want to take a tour to the depths of hell while coming down the stairs?”

“Well, the local carpenter just built it as he saw fit…”

“You must have some serious grudges against that carpenter. Cut ties immediately and hire a different one. Reduce the steps to ten or nine.”

“Is that really necessary?”

“Take it or leave it. It’s your life on the line, not mine. What’s this? You even built a basement? Your survival rate would be higher if you jumped off a building roof than living in this house. It’s as if you posted a notice inviting anomalies to live here.”

Abyssalism.

This was the latest trend in the apocalypse. Abyssalism focused less on \'how to live comfortably\' and more on \'how to avoid getting screwed by anomalies.\'

It didn\'t start this way.

During the times when nuclear bombs flew and civil wars broke out, humanity thought scientifically. They built solid concrete bunkers to hide in, or lived as isolated survivalists. By scientific standards, these approaches made sense.

However, the new anomalies that emerged in the apocalypse had a rich literary sensitivity and preferred inverting causality.

“Waaah… Waaaah…!”

“Why is that beggar acting crazy?”

“Don’t even ask. He used to be a high-ranking corporate executive. He dragged his whole family into an underground bunker.”

“What? An underground bunker? Crazy.”

“Yeah, crazy. A bomb dropped on the bunker overnight, and his entire family turned into ghosts. He barely escaped to Busan. Is he even truly alive?”

“Waaah! Waaah!”

Anomalies didn\'t favor scientific approaches or causality. They loved \'reversing causality.\'

Take underground shelters as an example. Bunkers were designed to protect against air raids, bombings, and nuclear attacks. Scientifically, bunkers were safer than ordinary houses. Unless you had a relative named Osama bin Laden, the chance of a hidden bunker being targeted by missiles was extremely low.

However, anomalies thought differently. Bombs existed because bunkers did. The presence of a bunker necessitated a bombing.

Thus, those who hid in bunkers invariably faced missile bombardments. The Gimhae plains were devastated. That day marked a paradigm shift for humanity.

“Hey, someone’s calling me.”

“Damn it, don\'t answer! Never answer! Use your smartphone only to access SG Net. Turn it off otherwise!”

Phones? They weren\'t for hearing someone’s voice but rather tools to communicate with unseen entities. Unless you were a high school student who enjoyed ghost stories, making or receiving calls was foolish. According to \'Abyssal Communication Studies,\' real human interaction was face-to-face only.

“Why did you put a mirror in the bathroom, you idiot?”

“Huh? Because it’s a bathroom…”

“Your reflection in the mirror looks different from your actual face! Get rid of it now!”

Mirrors? They were tools that isolated beings identical to oneself in another world. They should never be used as interior decorations.

Humanity had grown too lazy and dependent on tools. In the updated apocalypse, more careful choices were necessary.

“Ancient people lived fine without phones…”

“We can live without mirrors too. They were always stressful, except for the bathroom mirror right after a shower.”

And so, humanity adapted. People decided to live without phones, mirrors, and modern conveniences. After all, ancient ancestors hunted mammoths without such things.

However, there was one tool humanity couldn\'t abandon. The thought of letting go of it meant regressing to prehistoric times. Surprisingly, it wasn\'t the internet. Nor was it smartphones.

The tool that humanity, especially Americans, clung to until the end was—

-Bang!

The protagonist of this story: guns.

Sometimes, when I read modern fantasy where characters fight with swords, I wonder why they don\'t use beautiful and stylish guns instead of clinging to primitive melee weapons. Are they medieval barbarians?

The disdain for firearms in some creative works has a long history. When monsters appeared in the hills behind Tokyo-3, the Self-Defense Forces used advanced weapons to no effect. Someone coolly muttered, \'What a waste of taxes,\' sealing the fate of firearms in subculture.

Monsters also seemed influenced by modern fantasy. Boss-level monsters shrugged off bullets, missiles, and nukes but became squishy under a little \'aura-infused\' knife attack.

“Shoot! Shoot them all! Those bastards are nothing! Just aim and fire!”

-Screech!

Of course, some monsters were vulnerable to bullets. Goblins and orcs, born to be humanity\'s experience points, were quite susceptible to firearms. These village-class monsters were numerous. South Korea, a conscription nation, had much fun with guns right after the apocalypse. However, firearms quickly lost popularity. After Ten Legs enjoyed an omakase mukbang with the South Korean military, firearms vanished entirely.

Why did firearms fall into disuse? A representative story explains it.

“Haa…”

One day, Cheon Yo-hwa, visiting my café, sighed deeply. Even the spoon stirring her beloved cream latte seemed devoid of strength.

“What’s wrong?”

“Ah, it’s… teacher, lately, there have been more conflicts among our students.”

“The Baekhwa High girls? Isn\'t their rivalry always intense?”

Baekhwa High School had a resident anomaly known as \'Yuri\' (not to be confused with Go Yuri). It was a unique boundary-forming ghost that even I couldn’t exorcise, so we left it alone. Consequently, Baekhwa High School constantly played out a fierce drama of love and hate, making every day new for Cheon Yo-hwa, who was in the middle of it.

“I can laugh off their usual rivalries, but it feels like they\'re crossing a line lately. A girl almost died the other day.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t mind if they bicker, as long as it doesn’t harm others. But if someone dies, it affects our whole guild. Ruining the atmosphere is secondary.”

“Hm.”

“I gave the perpetrator a full course of water torture to wake her up. She claimed she didn\'t know it would go that far. When I probed her mind, she seemed sincere. Sir, could this be an anomaly?”

Anomalies didn\'t adhere strictly to logic. What mattered was that \'one of the top guild leaders in Korea had reached a critical stress point.\' A single injury among Baekhwa High School guild members meant little. But \'Cheon Yo-hwa’s depression\' could trigger unpredictable butterfly effects.

If she started destroying cities to relieve her stress, it would be a serious problem. 

If you didn’t recognize the reference, had you forgotten about The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya?

Anyway, I smiled gently.

“Yo-hwa, shall we visit Baekhwa High to check for any sectors infected by anomalies?”

“Really?”

Cheon Yo-hwa’s face brightened, then fell.

“But, Sir, you’re very busy. I’d feel guilty if you came just for us…”

“It’s fine. Baekhwa High School is essentially a temple sealing Infinite Void. Regular inspections are necessary. And if you feel something is wrong, it’s worth investigating.”

“Thank you so much, Sir!”

I had chosen correctly.

We passed through the Inunaki Tunnel and headed to Sejong City. On the way back to Baekhwa High School, Cheon Yo-hwa smiled and chatted with me.

“Wow, it feels like just yesterday we toured schools together for years. Time flies.”

“For us, it’s been years, but for others, only a day has passed.”

“Haha, true! That’s why it feels even stranger. Ah, this way, Sir.”

Baekhwa High School had changed quite a bit since our last visit. Classrooms were repurposed. Elevators were closed, and the fourth floor was sealed off with caution tape.

“This is the perpetrator\'s room.”

“Is it alright for me to enter?”

“She almost killed someone! She’s practically a murderer. We’re still waterboarding her. Why care about her privacy? We’ve already done a full search.”

Dang Seo-rin and Cheon Yo-hwa, the prominent guild leaders of this land, were both fond of water torture. The favorable water quality of the Korean Peninsula remained influential.

Indeed, normal people had to rely on me, the cultured undertaker, as their pillar of support.

I searched the room thoroughly. Cheon Yo-hwa’s claim of a thorough search seemed true. Nothing new was found in the perpetrator’s room.

“Hmm?”

But the window frame felt odd. Tap-tap. I knocked on it, and the plastic sounded overly hollow.

“What’s wrong, teacher?”

“There seems to be an empty space here.”

“Ugh.”

I slid the window aside and examined the frame. Sure enough, there was an artificial gap.

“Let me use some aura.”

“Oh, go ahead.”

Black aura formed on my fingertips. I traced the gap with my aura, and as expected, it revealed a hidden space. I frowned at the item hidden inside. Cheon Yo-hwa’s face darkened quickly, like a front-line soldier finding a hole in the DMZ fence.

“This crazy bastard.”

Cheon Yo-hwa muttered gloomily.

The hidden item was a pistol. I immediately picked up the K5 pistol and fired it out the window.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

The sound of gunfire echoed through Baekhwa High until the 13 bullets were spent. Far away, students seemed startled, but I had no time to worry about them.

“Phew.”

“Haa…”

Only after the loaded bullets were spent did we sigh in relief. This anomaly was truly dangerous. Both Cheon Yo-hwa, the guild leader of Baekhwa, and I, a regressor, had been tense.

“Good thing I called you, teacher. If we left it, at least one person would have died, maybe thirteen.”

“I’m glad I came.”

Indeed, the reason firearms became useless in the apocalypse, or rather \'dangerous,\' was because every gun in this world was possessed by an anomaly.

[Chekhov’s Gun].

This anomaly turned all firearms into deadly hazards.

Footnotes:

Join our discord at https://dsc.gg/wetried