I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell

The transparent jade sea and the soft sand caressing our feet. Noh Do-hwa muttered, "The sunlight is too strong..." 

"Indeed. It's excessively beautiful," I replied.

That was our first impression.

For reference, I was dressed as a cafe barista, while Noh Do-hwa wore a casual t-shirt with a white lab coat fluttering in the sea breeze.

In short, our fashion was aggressively denying that this place was a global resort.

Saipan probably didn't want tourists like us either.

"This scenery is totally unsuitable for an undertaker who needs to extract misfortune down to the last drop."

"Your words make me anxious..."

We needed to become even more unfortunate.

Thus, I decided to transform the island's landscape myself.

As an aside, in the end-times marked by emptiness, 'aesthetic formality' was more important than anything else.

A story with a clear beginning, development, climax, and conclusion. Like waking up and muttering, "A strange ceiling..." 

Such things were a form of etiquette. Grammar.

And depending on what grammar or worldview you adopted, the anomalies would respond differently.

In other words, even upon arriving at a resort, if you shouted, "Wow! It's summer! The beach! The sea!" and flung off your outerwear to dive into the waves, you would likely encounter anomalies based on 'Japanese-style comics.'

It's basically the same as middle schoolers turning off the lights at night and chanting, "Bunshinsaba, Bunshinsaba."

In the end-times, every action and word of a person could summon all sorts of anomalies.

"Noh Do-hwa, I will now recite an excerpt from 'No Longer Human' by Osamu Dazai."

"What...?"

"You've heard of 'No Longer Human,' right? It's by the same author."

I carried Noh Do-hwa to a cliff by the sea.

When I set her down at the edge, she put her hands in the pockets of her white coat.

"Hmm. Why would you start a cheap recital as soon as we arrive in Saipan?"

"As a former public official, you should study history properly. Noh Do-hwa, Saipan was one of the regions where the Japanese military was defeated by the US during the Pacific War. Many civilians also died in the war."

"So what?"

"This cliff is where the Japanese Imperial Army performed their 'special talent show.'"

"Special talent show...?"

If you were to pick two specialties of the former Japanese Imperial Army, they would be declaring war and mass suicide.

The latter specialty was displayed spectacularly at the northernmost point of Saipan Island.

"This cliff is called Banzai Cliff. It's said that about 10,000 soldiers shouted 'Banzai' and dived off the cliff."

"Okay, and so what?"

"And if you were to name the most famous suicide in Japan, it would be Osamu Dazai."

I pulled out an empty notebook.

"Watch closely, Do-hwa. This is the classic incantation for summoning anomalies."

The loud, clear voice of the recital echoed over the waves from the cliff.

"Ah. On a full moon night. Glimmering, then collapsing, surging, then shattering, the waves surged and I couldn't bear to let go of the hand I was holding onto so I intentionally pushed her away. She was instantly swallowed by the waves and shouted a name loudly. It wasn't my name—."

Splash.

A wave crashed.

At that moment.

-Long live the Emperor!

Splash!

A shadowy figure passed by us and dived off the cliff.

What skill. It was a pity they had been a soldier instead of an Olympic athlete during their lifetime.

"What the fuck...?"

Noh Do-hwa jumped in shock.

It was understandable. Shadowy figures that hadn't existed moments ago suddenly appeared behind us.

-Long live the Emperor!

-Long live the Greater Japanese Empire!

-Long liveeeee!

Splash, splash!

Fortunately, while not Olympians, they had marathon experience. Thousands of shadowy figures started running towards the horizon.

The shadowy figures had no physical form. They passed through our shoulders, sometimes even our bodies, and continued to run.

Interestingly, despite having no physical form, they vividly replicated the effect of 'falling into the waves.'

Splash, splash. The waves caused by humans were triumphing over those caused by nature.

Indeed, the Japanese Imperial Army's true enemy was never the US military but 'nature' itself.

Nature included environments like jungles and seas, but also human nature. The Imperial Army wasn't defeated but was actually victorious.

"Damn, what the hell...?"

"Like human history, summoning anomalies also involves the harmony of Heaven, Earth, and Man (天地人)."

I laughed heartily like the Sword Marquess.

"Japanese perceptions of mass suicide are Heaven (天), the land where the Japanese Imperial Army collectively committed suicide is Earth (地), and Osamu Dazai, the icon of suicide, is Man (人). With these three conditions met so perfectly, how could the anomaly not respond to the incantation?"

"...Seriously, Undertaker. Aren't you already the head of anomalies? What kind of human summons anomalies so easily?"

"Call me a grandmaster shaman."

"Fuck that."

In fact, Osamu Dazai was a leftist who had joined an anti-imperialist student alliance, but what did that matter?

Unless they were tutorial fairies, anomalies had little interest in human political leanings.

Of course, the 'Central Intelligence Agency' living in Namsan, Seoul, was highly interested in human ideologies, but that's a story for another episode.

"If you're suspicious, Noh Do-hwa, you can try reciting next time."

"Next time...?"

"Yes. There's another cliff known for mass suicides around here."

"Wait, wasn't this place just a resort...? Did you come here specifically to do this? Do you really want to die?"

At the next location, Noh Do-hwa chanted the incantation as I instructed.

Sure enough, the 'shadowy figures' appeared.

Unlike Dang Seo-rin, who could only use her exclusive magic, a true grand sorcerer could design a magic system where anyone who chanted 'Fireball' would create a scorching 800-degree flame orb.

Noh Do-hwa, newly enrolled in my magic tower, muttered in disbelief like a student attempting 'Wingardium Leviosa' for the first time.

"It actually works...?"

"If the conditions of Heaven, Earth, and Man are met, anyone can do it. That's what strategies are for. Why else would I call myself an expert in anomalies?"

"Undertaker, what are those shadowy figures? Human souls...?"

"Ah, probably not. They're merely beings made from crude memories and illusions of people. Literally shadows. To give them a more complete form, you'd need an incantation from someone who actually experienced the Pacific War."

"......"

"Look closely at the shadowy figures shouting 'Banzai' and running in groups. They lack detail. If they were real, there would be people being pushed off, some trying to commit seppuku, and others being forced to sacrifice themselves, each with distinct faces and poses."

That day, I spent the whole time with Noh Do-hwa, resurrecting 'unhappy memories' all around the area.

Boom!

Cannon sounds shook the beach. Only the sounds existed. Not even a fishing boat, let alone a warship, was visible on the sea.

In the sky, the engines of fighter planes roared eerily.

Somewhere, the cries of children were heard. The cries had no nationality.

The 'Battle of Saipan' wasn't over.

The number of shadowy figures jumping off the cliffs showed no signs of decreasing. The bodiless shadows continued their endless hell, dying repeatedly.

Emptiness was always like that.

"......"

Noh Do-hwa occasionally glanced at the cliffs while crafting my prosthetic limbs.

As mentioned before, during our escape from Busan, I lost one of my left legs.

Noh Do-hwa used some nearby wood to make me a prosthetic limb.

"Ah, Noh Do-hwa. Tighten the nails there a bit more. It suits me better that way."

"......"

This wasn't the first time Noh Do-hwa had crafted limbs for me in the 590 cycles, so I assisted her appropriately.

Usually, she would have snapped back, 'Then make it yourself,' but she was unusually quiet this time, as if she were lost in deep thought.

"This is such a strange world..."

Noh Do-hwa knelt on one knee, fitting the prosthetic to my left leg, and finally muttered softly.

"Humans clumsily try to forget, while anomalies awkwardly try to remember."

She slowly turned to me.

"And you are a strange human..."

A bizarre and strange 'vacation' continued.

Now, I received scorn and hatred from my beloved comrades and woke up every morning to the sounds of screams and cries.

'I guess I've become quite unfortunate now.'

At least, compared to the luck brought by 'the Sword Marquess's rejuvenation' or 'the aliens' Great Wall,' today's misfortune felt heavier.

Such things were 'nice to have but not necessary' kinds of luck.

Even without the Sword Marquess or the aliens, I knew how to maintain the front lines in my own way.

-Ukikik.

It seemed the Monkey's Paw had judged the same.

Just as there are insiders and outsiders in the world, someone had to maintain the balance.

The Monkey's Paw, which oversaw the scales of luck and misfortune, seemed to sense a crisis and began pouring out luck more blatantly.

"Undertaker, did you bring the Sword Marquess here?"

"No, I didn't."

"I found bananas hanging in front of the house this morning..."

Food appeared by itself even when we stayed still.

The weather was perfect. The sea gleamed emerald, and the shadows cast by the trees shimmered sapphire.

The environment was so inviting it made you want to dive into the sea in a swimsuit.

-Boom!

In such an environment, the cannon sounds remained grand.

The shadows diving off the cliffs were still there. The weather was so sunny that they truly looked like diving athletes now.

Noh Do-hwa commented, "This is fucking surreal..."

Indeed it was.

The misfortune I created and the luck generated by the Monkey's Paw had begun a full-fledged battle.

My heart swelled. The competition between Naruto's luck and Sasuke's misfortune grew more intense every day.

One day, when I was strolling on the beach and found Cheon Yo-hwa collapsed in the sand, the competition reached its peak.

"...Yo-hwa?"

"Tea... cher..."

Cheon Yo-hwa grabbed my hand tightly.

"I'm sorry. I regained my sanity recently. But I... What have I done to you...!"

Tears welled up in Cheon Yo-hwa's eyes. Her orange hair was tousled by the sea breeze, and sand stuck to her cheeks.

"I knew I had to apologize to you. So I tried to find you alone. When the boat capsized, I thought I'd die, but I survived. I'm so glad I could see you. What happened to your leg? Is it because of us? I'm sorry. Please forgive me..."

I shuddered.

'Is this how you play, Monkey's Paw!'

As known, I had used the 'Hate Pill' to forcibly open a depressing story.

That was my 'check.'

The Monkey's Paw responded with 'checkmate.'

What was the most delightful part of a depressing story?

Needless to say, it was the moment when the characters who hated and resented the protagonist realized the truth and regretted their mistakes.

[I've misunderstood the protagonist] [It's my fault] [I was wrong, and the protagonist was right] [I must apologize and repay the protagonist]—a truly sinister self-realization...!

Yes. The Monkey's Paw followed the depressing story's grammar and tried to give me 'revenge.'

"Yo-hwa."

"Yes...?"

"It's okay."

If the Monkey's Paw wanted a revenge plot, my response was clear.

I smiled kindly.

"Of course, I forgive you."

"...!"

Indeed.

The Monkey's Paw desired a plot where the protagonist pushed others away, saying, [It's too late] [You had many chances, but you wasted them all] [Apologizing now won't change anything].

The protagonist would then find happiness while others fell into misery. It was a cliché of depressing stories.

However.

"No, you have nothing to be forgiven for. I was never disappointed in you, Yo-hwa."

"Teacher...!"

My chosen strategy was to be a 'forgiving' protagonist!

No matter what my comrades did, whether they cut off my limbs or cursed me on SG Net, I accepted it all.

Not allowing a single drop of revenge. This was the masterstroke against the Monkey's Paw's tricks.

-Ukikikik, Hee, Kikikikik.

After all, no matter what tricks the Monkey's Paw played, it was meaningless.

The phenomenon where my comrades were 'controlled by the Monkey's Paw without realizing it' was itself a painful misfortune for me.

'In the end, I'm the one who put my comrades in danger by testing the Monkey's Paw.'

It was all a disaster of my own making, so how could I blame others?

Eventually, I even returned Cheon Yo-hwa to the Korean Peninsula, along with my right leg, as a donation to the awakened in Busan.

This time, I deliberately let Dang Seo-rin take it.

The scene where she cut off my right foot and muttered, "Tsk, I aimed for the heart..." while tossing my leg was a masterpiece.

-Kikikikikikikikik.

The Monkey's Paw convulsed in the void.

Dinosaurs, perfect for riding, appeared to entertain me, and the Inunaki Tunnel was modified to connect all cities on the Korean Peninsula. It used all sorts of methods to bestow luck and happiness upon me.

So, next, I donated my left arm to the Saintess and my right arm to Lee Ha-yul.

The Undertaker Daruma doll was complete.

-Kikikikikikikik.

I felt the Monkey's Paw foaming at the mouth in the void. It had choked on the despair and collapsed.

Noh Do-hwa also foamed at the mouth.

"You're... No, never mind. It's you, so I'm sure you have your reasons. No need to explain. Just come back with only your head, and I'll craft your limbs somehow... Are you smiling? How can you smile right now...?"

Left foot. Right foot. Left arm. Right arm.

My body, suddenly transformed into a genre of mutilation stories, was covered with Noh Do-hwa's custom prosthetics.

The battle between the Monkey's Paw trying to grant me luck and me trying to bestow misfortune upon myself was thrilling to witness. However, like all battles, this one also had a time limit.

The 10th year.

'Finally, it's here.'

The end of the 590th cycle approached.

At last, the moment I had set for the Monkey's Paw's time limit arrived.

And on that very day.

First, the Japanese archipelago was lightly destroyed.

When Noh Do-hwa and I woke up in the beach hut and looked out the window, we immediately knew that the Japanese archipelago had been obliterated.

"...Undertaker, look at that."

"Yes, I see it too."

In a novel where a Korean is the protagonist, the fate of the Japanese archipelago was always dire.

Of course, to me, nationality and race held no particular meaning.

Once you live beyond a millennium, your values and perspective on the world change. Even how you view the world.

Manyo Neko, Phantom Blade, Uehara Shino.

There was also the 'Great Priestess,' the chairperson and first seat of the Magical Girl Association, whom I haven't mentioned and prefer never to mention.

They were all my precious comrades.

I knew well what kind of lives they had led and where they were headed.

In this era where nations had fallen and governments had collapsed, they were volunteers rising from the ground to save those around them.

-I will declare this land a haven of magical girl clichés brimming with hope!

-Killing demons is done with grand tragedy, not light laughter! Tragedy doesn't suit us! Everyone, smile!

That was the purpose of the Magical Girl Association.

However, there were two types of magical girl stories.

Stories where justice ultimately triumphed with comrades. The orthodox faction.

Torture stories where magical girls fell into despair and were torn apart. The demonic cult.

Every day, a great battle between orthodoxy and demonic cult took place in the Japanese archipelago.

And, unfortunately for the magical girls, the genre of this world was inherently wicked.

"What is that...?"

Red flesh.

A massive tower of red flesh rose from the horizon, greedily drinking in the morning sunlight.

North of Saipan. In the direction of the Japanese archipelago.

The distance from here to Tokyo was about 2,400 km.

The tower of 'red flesh' extended its majestic form beyond the horizon.

I muttered.

"It's Go Yuri."

Footnotes:

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