BXBX NOVEL Chapter 124: She was my anchor
Seraphina moved towards the washroom, her footsteps light and deliberate, as if sensing the heaviness in the air. I followed her, my mind still tangled in a web of doubt and confusion.
The memories of what I had been, of who I had been, played on a loop in my head. No matter how much I tried to push them away, they kept resurfacing, each one bringing a fresh wave of guilt and self-loathing.
In the washroom, the sound of running water filled the space as Seraphina prepared a shower for us. I watched her in silence, her movements graceful yet precise. She turned to me, her crimson eyes softening as they met mine.
She didn't say anything, but her gaze held a silent question, a concern she didn't need to voice.
I offered her a small, tired smile, hoping it would reassure her. But the truth was, I felt anything but reassured. The monster's words, the flashbacks, and the realization that I had been someone so vile, so cruel, gnawed at me like a parasite.
There were people out there—people who knew what I had done, who had suffered because of me. And they were right to hate me. How could I blame them?
Seraphina stepped into the shower, and I followed her, the warm water cascading over us like a soothing balm. It did little to ease the turmoil inside me, but it was comforting in its own way. The steam rose around us, curling into the air like ethereal tendrils, enveloping us in a cocoon of warmth.
Seraphina reached for the soap, lathering it between her hands before gently running them over my shoulders and down my back. Her touch was tender, almost reverent, as if she were trying to wash away not just the grime of battle, but the weight of everything that had happened.
"Elara," she finally spoke, her voice soft, barely audible over the sound of the water. "You're not that person anymore."
I stiffened at her words, my hands curling into fists at my sides. "But I was, Seraphina. I was that person. I did terrible things… Things I can't undo."
She paused, her hands stilling on my back. "You can't change the past, Elara. But you can choose who you are now. You're not defined by what you did. You're defined by who you choose to be."
Her words were like a lifeline, a thread of hope in the darkness that threatened to consume me. But it was hard to hold onto that hope when the memories were so vivid, so real. I had seen myself in those flashbacks, seen the coldness in my eyes, the cruelty in my actions. How could I ever be anything other than what I had been?
Seraphina turned me to face her, her hands cupping my face gently, forcing me to meet her gaze. "I know you, Elara," she said, her voice steady and sure. "I know your heart. You're not that person anymore. You've changed. You've fought for something bigger than yourself, something good.
You've fought for us, for our future."
I wanted to believe her, wanted to cling to her words like a lifeline. But doubt still gnawed at me, a relentless force that wouldn't let go. "What if I haven't changed as much as I think?" I whispered, my voice trembling with the weight of my fears. "What if… deep down, I'm still that person?"
Her grip on my face tightened slightly, her eyes blazing with determination. "Then we'll fight it together," she said, her voice fierce. "I'm not letting you go, Elara. Not now, not ever."
The intensity in her gaze, the unwavering conviction in her words, broke something inside me. The tears I had been holding back spilled over, mingling with the water from the shower. I leaned forward, resting my forehead against hers, letting the warmth of her presence wash over me.
"I'm scared, Seraphina," I admitted, my voice barely a whisper. "I'm scared of what I might be capable of."
She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me close, her embrace strong and reassuring. "We all have darkness in us, Elara. But that doesn't mean we have to let it control us. You're stronger than you think. And I'll be here with you, every step of the way."
Her words, her touch, her unwavering support it was more than I deserved, but it was exactly what I needed. I clung to her, letting myself be vulnerable, letting myself be held. For the first time in what felt like forever, I allowed myself to believe that maybe, just maybe, I could find a way forward.
After what felt like an eternity, we finally stepped out of the shower, the steam clinging to our skin as we dried off and changed into comfortable clothes.
Seraphina's presence was a constant source of comfort, her quiet strength grounding me as we moved through the motions of getting ready for the day.
But even as we sat down for a meal in the dining hall, the weight of my thoughts lingered. The food was delicious, a spread of warm, hearty dishes that should have been comforting, but I found it difficult to enjoy anything.
Every bite felt heavy, every swallow a struggle. The guilt and the self-loathing were still there, festering just beneath the surface.
Seraphina noticed, of course. She always noticed. She reached across the table, her hand finding mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Eat," she urged gently. "You need your strength."
I nodded, trying to muster up the energy to eat more. For her sake, if nothing else. But it was difficult to shake the feeling that I didn't deserve this ,didn't deserve the food, the comfort, or the care that Seraphina was giving me. Didn't deserve her.
After what felt like an eternity, we finished the meal and made our way back to our room. The walk was quiet, the silence between us heavy with unspoken words.
The atmosphere was strange, charged with something I couldn't quite identify something that made my heart race and my thoughts spiral.
When we finally reached our room, Seraphina closed the door behind us, the latch clicking into place with a finality that sent a shiver down my spine.
I turned to face her, my heart pounding in my chest. There was something in her eyes, something intense and unreadable, that made the air between us feel electric.
"Elara," she began, her voice low and husky. "I don't want you to doubt yourself. Not now, not ever. You're stronger than you think, and you've come so far. But more than that… you're mine."
Her words sent a thrill through me, a rush of heat that spread through my body like wildfire. She stepped closer, her hand reaching out to cup my cheek, her touch sending sparks of electricity down my spine.
"I need you to believe in yourself," she whispered, her lips brushing against mine as she spoke. "I need you to believe in us."
I couldn't find the words to respond, couldn't form a coherent thought as the heat of her gaze seared into me. All I could do was lean into her touch, my breath hitching in my throat as she tilted my chin up to meet her lips in a slow, sensual kiss.
The kiss was electric, a slow burn that ignited something deep within me. Seraphina's lips were soft and warm, her kiss gentle yet possessive. It was a kiss that demanded surrender, and I gave in willingly, letting her take control, letting her guide me.
Her hands roamed over my body, tracing the curves and lines of my form with a reverence that made my heart ache. I responded in kind, my hands tangling in her hair, pulling her closer, deepening the kiss.
The taste of her, the feel of her, was intoxicating, a heady rush that drowned out all my doubts and fears.
Seraphina's lips left mine, trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses down my jaw and neck, her breath warm against my skin. Each kiss sent a jolt of pleasure through me, the sensation so intense it was almost overwhelming.
My hands fisted in her hair, a soft moan escaping my lips as she nipped at the sensitive skin of my collarbone.
She guided me to the bed, her movements slow and deliberate, her touch never leaving my skin. We fell onto the mattress together, our bodies entwined, the sheets cool against our heated skin.
The world outside ceased to exist, the only thing that mattered was the woman in my arms, the connection between us, the way her touch set my soul on fire.
As we lay there, our bodies moving in sync, I felt the last of my fears melt away, replaced by a sense of peace, of belonging. Seraphina's touch, her kiss, her presence it was everything I needed, everything I had been searching for without even realizing it.
She was my anchor, my light in the darkness, and I was hers.