BXBX NOVEL Ch190.1 - To Acknowledge the Bandit As One’s Father! (1)
Chapter Ch190.1 - To Acknowledge the Bandit As One’s Father! (1)
Translated by Eve
Edited by Serefina
15. To Acknowledge the Bandit As One’s Father! (1)
The one who made me like this was you....
Liang Chengshan’s expression froze. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t move or refute it. It was like there was some terrifying force that made him lose control of his body.
He then heard Xie He continue to speak in a slow, serene tone. “It was you who had locked me up for eight months, who made me lose my memories. You turned me into an obedient pet that would heed your every command....
“It was you who made me try ti kill Liang Ze, so that you could make sure I had completely forgotten everything....
“It was also you who destroyed my everything. You chased Liang Ze away and made him misunderstand me, hate me....”
Xie He’s eyes were glued onto Liang Chengshan. His bloodstained face carried a faint smile. “So there’s no reason to take your anger out on Liang Ze. He didn’t do anything wrong. He just hated me, just like you wanted.... Are you happy?”
Liang Chengshan shut his eyes. A lot of time passed before he opened his eyes again. There was a deeply-entrenched sorrow and helplessness in the depths of his eyes. He said, “You’re right. I shouldn’t blame him.”
Liang Chengshan was the true mastermind behind all of this. And to get to the source of all of this, one would have to go far back into his history. If Yang Jin hadn’t betrayed him, if he hadn’t killed Yang Jin, if.... If none of that had happened, maybe Xie He would never have walked down this road. He wouldn’t have approached Liang Chengshan for the sake of revenge. They never would have met.
He never would have been hurt like he had been.
He loved this person so much. Even if the other was Yang Jin’s son, he still loved him. Liang Chengshan felt so blessed to have been able to have fallen in love with him in this lifetime, to have learned that he hadn’t lost his ability to love someone.
But if the price for all of this was that he had to cause irreversible damage to the person he loved, then Liang Chengshan would rather they had never met.
Liang Chengshan held Xie He in his arms, which were sticky from the other’s blood. Every drop of blood that fell from Xie He’s body hurt more than if they were to fall from his own. The person he had cupped in the palms of his hands and wanted to protect with all he had was now in such a state.. It was like...he had personally gouged out his own flesh....
Liang Chengshan took off his coat and wrapped Xie He up. He then turned to speak to Liang Ze. “Do you know why I kept letting you go? Because I share the blame for you having become like this. It’s because I didn’t teach you well. I didn’t protect you. I am not a good father. It’s only to be expected that you hate me. But don’t blame Yang Ling. He had never wanted to kill you or hurt you. It’s all my fault.”
Liang Ze was pressed onto the ground. He looked at Liang Chengshan and then looked at Xie He, who was held in the other’s arms. His eyes were both bloodshot. He had also heard the conversation just now.... It turned out that Xie He had lost all his memories back then. He had been controlled by Liang Chengshan....
He had been locked up for eight months...what had Liang Chengshan done to him?
Liang Ze finally calmed down. When he recalled what Xie He had been like when he had been torturing him...the pained expression Xie He had shown, like he was on the brink of falling apart from the despair.... At that time, he had thought that he had caused all of the other’s pain. But now that he reflected on it, he realized that perhaps the other had been tormented by even more terrifying memories.
It wasn’t like Liang Ze had never seen the dark side of their work. He knew of some inhumane methods of torture as well. He had just never thought that Xie He would have experienced such a thing.
Just how much pain had Xie He suffered at Liang Chengshan’s hand? Liang Ze had no idea.... Meanwhile, he had misunderstood Xie He, having fallen for the facade on the surface. He had hurt the other so cruelly, made him re-experience that nightmare.....And yet, Xie He still pleaded to Liang Chengshan to let Liang Ze go. He had never wanted to hurt him at all....
【Ding, Liang Ze’s Favourability Value +5, Blackening Value -100. The current Favourability Value is 98.】
Liang Ze stared at Liang Chengshan, gaze unwavering. His eyes were full of hatred. “Just what did you do to him?”
Pain flitted through Liang Chengshan’s eyes but he did not respond.
Whenever he recalled what he had done, the pain and regret would torment him. He had been in the wrong. He shouldn’t have tried to use such a method to make the person he loved stay. Now, he only had himself to blame for this painful consequence.
Liang Chengshan held Xie He and was slowly pushed out of the warehouse. He didn’t look back at Liang Ze at all.
Liang Ze shouted, “Just what did you do?! Let go of Yang Ling!” He could see that Liang Chengshan wasn’t paying him any attention, so he shouted at Xie He. “Wait for me! I will definitely save you!”
Xie He’s body quivered. He suddenly said, “Wait.”
Liang Chengshan immediately stopped.
Xie He turned back to look at Liang Ze. There was a complicated, apologetic look in his eyes. He said, “You don’t have to save me anymore. It was I who hurt you. I approached you in the beginning with intentions of using you. I had come here for revenge.”
Liang Ze looked at Xie He with red eyes. “I don’t care...I will save you.”
Xie He slowly shook his head, expression calm. “I don’t need you to save me. I didn’t need it then, I need it even less now. Furthermore, you can’t save me anyway.”
Sadness filled Liang Ze’s eyes. A long time later, he asked, “Did you ever...love me?”
Even if you were only using me, have you ever...really loved me? Just a little bit?
Xie He’s eyelashes fluttered. His gaze was complicated. His lips parted slightly and he spat out a cold word. “No.”
Liang Ze’s eyes finally turned grey. He watched as Liang Chengshan carried Xie He out. He didn’t budge an inch until they let go of him.
The person he loved only felt apologetic towards him.
But he, who only held the other’s apology and pity, couldn’t find it in him to walk away.
..............................
Liang Chengshan carried Xie He to the hospital and personally laid him on the bed.
Xie He didn’t struggle. He had fallen asleep on the journey here. Although he hated Liang Chengshan so much, he couldn’t help but sleep in the arms that could calm his heart after having suffered through all that pain and fatigue. He couldn’t help but surrender to his instincts.
Liang Chengshan stared at Xie He, his gaze gloomy. He suddenly cupped his hand into a fist and coughed into it.
Kenny couldn’t help but persuade him upon hearing this. “Boss, you should go back and rest. There are people who will watch over him and make sure nothing happens to him.”
Liang Chengshan was silent for a while before nodding slightly.
Xie He didn’t wake up until the next morning. The wounds on his body had already been treated and were wrapped.
【444：Host dada, you’re awake~~】
【Xie He：I am, Baby. 】
【444：You’re at the hospital right now. Liang Chengshan brought you back again. What are you planning to do now? _(:зゝ∠)_】
【Xie He：I’ll obviously continue to raise Uncle Liang’s Favourability Value. Uncle Liang’s possessiveness is too strong. I have to teach him how to let go. Love cannot be so selfish. Smile.JPG】
【444：Didn’t he already let go?! ( ⊙ o ⊙ )】
【Xie He：That was just a stop-gap measure for him. He wasn’t sincere enough in letting me go—he had people track me, ne. It means that he hasn’t yet fully understood what he had done wrong. As a qualified teacher, I have a responsibility to teach him that one must understand how to help the person they love achieve happiness. Even if it causes himself pain, he still has to bear with it. 】
【444：......】
Xie He rolled out of bed. As soon as he opened the door, he saw that there were guards blocking the way. The two tall guards had been ordered to watch over Xie He well. However, they didn’t dare hurt him. It was very difficult, but they managed to subdue Xie He by restraining his arms. They pressed him back onto the bed.
Xie He struggled with all his might. His wounds tore open, staining the gauze red. His eyes were fierce. “Let go of me!”
Both bodyguards felt their heads ache.
Right at that moment, Liang Chengshan arrived.
When Xie He saw Liang Chengshan, his eyes turned cold and ridiculed. He sneered, “Didn’t you say you love me? Is this what your love amounts to? You think you’re so amazing, locking me up like this? How about you just kill me? If you’re not going to kill me, then let me kill you!”
When Xie He said this, the bodyguards all exchanged angry looks. If it wasn’t because Liang Chengshan forbade it, would this stinky youngster be able to live until today?!
He was looking for death!
Even though his kind intentions were being trampled on and mocked, Liang Chengshan’s expression didn’t change. He was no longer an impulsive, childish youngster. Love wasn’t supposed to be a power struggle. Since he had fallen in love, there was no reason he should feel regret or refuse to admit it. Even if he was despised or disdained, this was the road he had chosen.
Liang Chengshan was as kind and gentle as always. His gaze made you feel calm. He gently said, “Your injuries have torn open. Don’t move.”
Instead, Xie He fought more intensely. He glared at Liang Chengshan with hatred oozing out of his eyes. There was a reluctance to give in as well as a crazed look in his eyes.
Liang Chengshan finally sighed. “If you’re like this, your wounds will never heal. How would you kill me then? I had always thought that you were a rational, intelligent person. But losing a few times is enough to make you give up?”
“Calm down. Since you want revenge, then act like it, just like you had in the past....”
After saying this, Liang Chengshan didn’t look at Xie He again. He left.
He didn’t actually want to leave. But if he wanted what was good for Xie He, he had to gradually get used to letting him go. He had no way of making Xie He stay by his side. Xie He would be driven mad eventually if he were to stay with him. He would only want to die, taking Liang Chengshan with him....
But Liang Chengshan wanted Xie He to live. He wanted him to live like a normal person.
After Liang Chengshan left, he went to meet with the doctors. He had specifically employed a team of psychiatric experts for Xie He. Amongst them was the doctor who had helped him subdue Xie He back then. The goal was to help Xie He acclimate back into regular life after leaving him. There was no need for the other to have to suffer by making him rely on Liang Chengshan.
Liang Chengshan said, “I hope that you can quickly come up with a treatment plan. If you require anything of me, please tell me.”
The doctors all said that they would do their best.
Liang Chengshan nodded and then had Kenny take him out of the hospital.
Liang Chengshan returned to the cemetery again. He slowly stood up from his wheelchair and brought a bouquet of flowers before Yang Jin’s grave.
He caressed the tombstone, sorrow appearing in his eyes....
“Ah Jin, you really hate me, don’t you...?” Liang Chengshan said, a bitter tone to his voice, “Regardless of what motive you had when you came to my side... you saved me once. I could have let you go back then.”
“But I hadn’t. Because I couldn’t let down my brethren who died. I had to live up to other people’s expectations because I had been drowning in my own pain and hesitation....That’s why I killed you.
“I thought that it would put an end to everything. I never expected that you would have a child. And I even hurt him....
“I’m sorry.”
Liang Chengshan placed the bouquet down.
Fifteen years ago, I had killed my best friend to honour the code. From then on, I became apathetic....Fifteen years later, I hurt the person I loved the most out of selfish possessiveness.
If you were still alive, you’d definitely hate me. You’d regret having saved me back then....
But I will repent for my sins with the rest of my life.
When Liang Chengshan returned to the hospital, Xie He had already fallen asleep, having taken his medicine.
But this wasn’t a good tactic. Long-term use of sedatives and sleeping pills would cause great harm to the body. Therefore, the doctors did not give Xie He large doses. It mostly depended on Xie He’s ability to overcome it on his own.
The doctors recommended that Liang Chengshan continued to comfort Xie He. However, he could slowly decrease the amount of time they spent together to help Xie He get used to being apart.
..............................
Liang Chengshan went to see Xie He every day in the beginning. Later on, it became once every three days.
Every time they met, Xie He would glare at him with hostility and curse at him.
A bit more than a month passed. Today, Liang Chengshan heard that Xie He had been particularly violent. He went to see him. To prevent Xie He from hurting himself while struggling, they had tied his hands to the bed. As soon as Xie He saw Liang Chengshan come in, he sneered at him coldly. “I’ve always been disgusted by your hypocritical mask. If you really love me, why don’t you just kill yourself?”
Liang Chengshan smiled faintly. “Rather than hold onto these ridiculous thoughts, get better sooner and do it yourself. After all, you don’t like being held by me, let alone being f*cked by me. If it’s so disgusting, forget me sooner.”
Xie He spat, “I already got over you. I don’t need you at all!”
Liang Chengshan looked at him with a gentle gaze. “You’re always all talk. Your body clearly still needs me.”
Xie He glared at him. “Piss off.”
Liang Chengshan nodded and left.
He asked the doctor-in-charge, “How is Yang Ling doing lately?”
The doctor said, “He’s been cooperative with the treatments. It seems that he hasn’t completely lost his will to live. We think that if he can maintain his desire not to give up, although it will be very difficult for him to recover fully, he should be able to go back to living a normal life. All he needs is time.”
Liang Chengshan’s expression relaxed slightly. He politely thanked the doctor and then went back with Kenny to the office.
Kenny looked at Liang Chengshan and hesitated. He quietly said, “Boss, your hair....”
Liang Chengshan looked at him with a serene gaze. He didn’t look all that different. It was just that his aura seemed more reserved and he smiled less now. There was a more oppressive air around him now. He asked in an insipid tone, “What is it?”
Kenny exhaled. “You have white hairs now.”
Liang Chengshan was startled for a moment. But he calmly said, “I know.”
He sat in his office for a while. Xie He’s face flashed before his eyes.... It was only when he was alone that he could show his pain and powerlessness. He was silent for a long time before he walked over to the washroom.
Liang Chengshan gazed at the sides of his head in the mirror. There were indeed a few more grey hairs at his temples. He wouldn’t notice unless he looked carefully.
Another period of time passed.
Liang Chengshan once again went to see Xie He. He purposely came at a time when Xie He was asleep. Xie He didn’t sleep soundly. But at least he was able to sleep. When he slept...he would not curse Liang Chengshan maliciously or gaze at him with hatred in his eyes.
Liang Chengshan reached out to brush away Xie He’s bangs. He then bent down to kiss him.
I think that we should part ways now. Keep living with that hatred you have for me. You will definitely get to see me meet my end. I will die in front of you.
I have never regretted loving you.
【Ding, the target Liang Chengshan’s Favourability Value +1. The current Favourability Value is 97.】
Liang Chengshan watched Xie He sleep with yearning in his eyes for a while. He then left the room and told Kenny, “Have someone take him away. Hall will take good care of him.”
When Kenny heard this, he heaved a long sigh of relief. Boss was finally willing to send this brat away. If this continued, Kenny felt like he’d end up depressed from having to watch the two of them! He really couldn’t understand this kind of complicated emotion with the boorish heart of his. Why did they have to hurt each other like this?!
..............................
Hall had lost contact with Xie He for a long time. It was said that Xie He was in Liang Chengshan’s hands. This made him worry every day.
Today, he was about to head to work, when a black SUV suddenly stopped in front of his house. Hall immediately felt that something was wrong. He reached for his gun. At the same time, the car door opened and a man in a black suit came out. He politely said, “Do not be alarmed. We mean no harm. We have come to hand someone over on Mr. Liang’s orders.”
Hall became even more nervous. He knew of these people’s style. Did they kidnap one of his relatives? Had they come to threaten him? Since they were able to find him, they must know of the relationship between himself and Xie He!
Black Suit raised both hands in a sign that meant he came in peace. He made a signal with his eyes and two people carried a sleeping Xie He from the car.
As soon as Hall saw Xie He, his emotions were all over the place. He looked over nervously. Very quickly, he noticed that Xie He was clean. He hadn’t died, nor did it seem like he had suffered any harm. It looked like he was just sleeping. But...how could Liang Chengshan be so kind as to send Xie He back to him? Hall was still suspicious.
Black Suit knew that Hall wouldn’t trust them. He carefully had Xie He handed over and then left in a hurry.
Hall had no mind to go to work anymore. He called in sick and carried Xie He back home.
Since Xie He had gone to Liang Chengshan, he had not come home for years. He could even count on one hand the number of times the two of them had met face-to-face since then. Hall watched over Xie He, apprehension in his heart. After a long time, he finally saw Xie He open his eyes. Emotions high, he shouted, “You’re awake!”
Xie He’s eyes were filled with the face of a worried, concerned middle-aged man. He was lost in a daze for a moment. Soon after, he quickly realized that he had returned home....How could he be here?!
Xie He’s gaze was complicated. “Uncle Hall. I...how did I get back here?”
Hall also looked confused, as if he was at a loss. “Liang’s people brought you here....I also don’t know what happened. Why did he send you back?”
Xie He’s eyes dimmed. He said, “I also don’t know why.”
Hall knew that things couldn’t be so simple. However, he could tell that Xie He’s mental state wasn’t very good, so he didn’t ask much more. He just said, “Regardless, it’s good that you’re back! You should put down the matter regarding Liang and rest now that you’re home.”
Xie He didn’t nod or shake his head. He felt like he wouldn’t be able to do that. If he could put it down, he would have done so much earlier....
Now that things have gotten to this point, it would be even more impossible for him to give up.
Xie He didn’t want to worry Uncle Hall or discuss what he had experienced. He became more reticent and silent than before, as if there were many things on his mind.
Every night, he would think of Liang Chengshan, the man he hated the most.
Did you think that if you did this, I’d give up on killing you...? No, I won’t give up. Killing you is the only reason I’m still alive.