BXBX NOVEL Ch170.2 - Heartache (2)
Chapter Ch170.2 - Heartache (2)
Translated by Eve
Edited by Serefina
13. Heartache (2)
Xie He stared blankly into space while sitting in the stone pavilion in the garden. Suddenly, he heard the sound of a commotion. It seemed like someone had been prohibited from approaching him. When he looked over, he became frightened. Bai Qiuchi had come. However, his servants had stopped her.
When Bai Qiuchi saw Xie He and how he sat there as everyone revolved around him like he was the sun, a bad premonition sprung in her heart. She pretended to act fierce when she was actually afraid. “Let me through! Why are you stopping me?!”
That eunuch coldly said, “You are not permitted to come here.”
These people didn’t know the reason why that was the case. They had only been ordered by Xiao Yan not to let Bai Qiuchi hurt Xie He under any condition. Strictly speaking, they were under orders not to allow anyone to offend Xie He.
Bai Qiuchi knew that this eunuch was Xiao Yan’s trusted aid. Her heart only grew colder upon seeing his attitude. Shui Rong also wasn’t with her. She felt utterly alone and extremely afraid. It was like the world had turned upside down in the span of a single night.
When Xie He saw that Bai Qiuchi had been stopped, he grew extremely anxious. He knew how much Xiao Yan cared for Bai Qiuchi. If he offended her today, she would only have to whisper in Xiao Yan’s ear and Xiao Yan would torture him! It didn’t matter if Xie He was punished, but it would be troublesome if Xiao Yan refused to save Song Heng over this!
Xie He struggled to stand up and walked over. He respectfully greeted, “Young Miss.”
Bai Qiuchi was originally in a state of extreme panic. However, when she saw that Xie He did not act conceited—like he was now in a position of power— and still treated her respectfully as always, she began to waver. Perhaps she hadn’t been exposed? Otherwise, why did Xie He still fear her? Furthermore, Xiao Yan hadn’t done anything to her.
Bai Qiuchi stared at Xie He, “Didn’t you die?”
This question rendered Xie He speechless. He lowered his eyes and said in a tart tone, “Nu...”
Bai Qiuchi screamed. “Why didn’t you die? Why did you have to come back?!” She didn’t understand. Why did Xiao Yan lie to her and tell her that Xie He had died?! Did Xiao Yan know the truth or not? Everything made Bai Qiuchi so frightened that she lost all reason. She was actually already on the brink of breaking down.
She glared at Xie He hatefully. However, there were too many people around. Forget doing anything to him, she couldn’t even get near him!
When Xiao Yan came back, he heard that Xie He was in the garden and rushed over. He just so happened to hear what Bai Qiuchi said to Xie He. A cold glint flashed through his eyes! He just hadn’t had time to deal with her, that’s all. And yet, she dared to come make trouble for Xie He?!
Xiao Yan walked over in large strides, an icy gaze on Bai Qiuchi. His voice was chilly. “Who allowed you to come here?”
Bai Qiuchi didn’t think that Xiao Yan would return so suddenly. When she met with his emotionless eyes, she froze. He was too scary.... She had never seen such a frightening Xiao Yan. Bai Qiuchi’s voice trembled. “G-Gege....”
Xiao Yan barked in a cold voice. “What are you spacing out for? Take her away!”
The elderly female servants saw how furious Xiao Yan was and immediately grabbed hold of Bai Qiuchi from either side and dragged her away, disregarding her cries!
Xie He looked helpless and confused. Everything happening in front of him rendered him at a loss for words. Bai Qiuchi had appeared in an arrogant fashion and had then been taken away in a blink of an eye.... Didn’t Xiao Yan love this little sister of his the most? Why was he treating her like this?
Since he had come back, Xiao Yan had changed so much and had become even more foreign to him. This caused Xie He to be scared witless. This man...was indeed heartless. Forget about abandoning Xie He, he was even capable of treating the little sister he adored so much like this. What was a lowly courtesan like him...? And yet, Xie He had once held hopes that this person would treat him well. What a joke.
Xie He lowered his gaze and called out in a deferential tone, “Your Highness.”
Xiao Yan had missed Xie He dearly but he absolutely could not continue to tolerate Bai Qiuchi. This woman had to be gotten rid of. Her existence was a threat to Xie He’s safety.
Xiao Yan carefully stroked Xie He’s hair. “You head back first. I’ll return in a bit.”
After saying this, he had the servants take Xie He back. He then headed to Bai Qiuchi’s courtyard.
Bai Qiuchi was imprisoned in her own room. When she recalled Xiao Yan’s coldhearted appearance, she began to shake. She knew that she had already been exposed. Why hadn’t Shui Rong come back? Could it be that Shui Rong had already known about this? Had she abandoned her and slipped away on her own? Bai Qiuchi felt intense remorse. She had actually trusted Shui Rong, that b*tch! The Crown Prince had probably just been using her!
Xiao Yan stepped inside and gazed coldly at Bai Qiuchi. This woman’s gall knew no bounds. She actually dared deceive him!
Bai Qiuchi was just a girl and was not a resolute person. She had always been gently taken care of by Xiao Yan. Now that she was faced with Xiao Yan’s harsh, callous side, she was even more frightened than before. She broke down from fright in a mere second. She knelt on the ground and cried, “Gege, I didn’t mean to deceive you on purpose.”
How could Xiao Yan not understand what she meant when he heard this? Although he had already ascertained that Xie He was his true saviour, hearing Bai Qiuchi personally admit it made the rage boil in his chest. What had he done?! He had actually let this nasty, malicious fake goods humiliate Xie He!
He finally understood where Bai Qiuchi’s hostility and killing intent towards Xie He had come from. It had been because she had felt guilty and afraid, not because she had felt jealous.... He had nearly let her kill Xie He!
Although Bai Qiuchi was the one to do it...everything had occurred under his permission. He could not forgive Bai Qiuchi, but he could not forgive himself even more!
Xiao Yan spat out one word at a time. His eyes emitted a bone-chilling cold. “Where did you get the jade pendant from?”
Bai Qiuchi cried, her face streaked with tears. “I picked it up. I picked it up in the mountains. I had seen Yuan Jin save someone in the mountains...but I hadn’t known that this jade pendant belonged to Gege. I had thought it belonged to Yuan Jin....”
She knelt on the floor, hugging Xiao Yan’s leg. “I was wrong. I won’t dare do it again. Gege, forgive me this once....”
Xiao Yan kicked her off. “Shut up.”
What right did a b*tch like her have to call him Gege!
Xiao Yan didn’t want to look at Bai Qiuchi for another second. This woman had not only impersonated Xie He, she had even tried to kill him to hide the truth! He had treated her so well but it still hadn’t been enough. With profit in mind, she had even decided to side with the Crown Prince. She was simply way too despicable, malicious and disgusting! How could he let her off?!
Xiao Yan summoned his imperial guards and coldly instructed, “Slice through the tendons of her legs and sell her to a brothel. Do it at once!”
Didn’t she like to make others kneel for her? He’ll ensure that she wouldn’t be able to stand up for the rest of her life and could only kneel for others! Didn’t she like to climb into the bed of men? She had tried to seduce him while she had also thrown herself at the Crown Prince. A mere harpy such as herself actually dared to aspire to be a huangfei? He would let her experience what it was like to have to sleep with countless men!
Xiao Yan left, ignoring Bai Qiuchi’s cries and shouts.
Although he had dealt with Bai Qiuchi, he was not happy in the least. He only felt helplessness and exhaustion.
He had gotten rid of Bai Qiuchi, but how could he ever make up for the harm he had caused Xie He? He hated himself the most. If it wasn’t for his permissive attitude, Bai Qiuchi would not have been able to hurt Xie He. If it wasn’t because he had abandoned Xie He...Xie He would never have suffered such torture.
His coldheartedness was at fault.
He had been wrong about who his saviour had been. He had been unable to discern what was right from what was wrong. Now, it was the time to reap the consequences of his actions. He could never repay back Xie He’s kindness, nor could he ever fully repent for his sins.
.............................................
Xiao Yan didn’t want to scare Xie He. He returned to his own courtyard and fixed his expression, changing it into a gentle smile before entering the house.
Xie He was on guard. As soon as Xiao Yan entered, Xie He looked towards him with apprehension in his eyes. “Y-Your Highness....”
Xiao Yan smiled at him and embraced him. In a soft voice, he said, “What did you do today?”
Xie He lowered his head and said, “N-nothing....” He was silent for a while before he glanced up. He spoke in a nervous voice. “Nu...Nu didn’t anger Young Miss on purpose....”
Xiao Yan felt his heart clench and his throat choked up. He said in a low voice, “I know. I do not blame you.”
Xie He had thought that Xiao Yan would punish him. Xiao Yan only cared about Bai Qiuchi and didn’t care whether a lowly servant such as himself lived. Even if Bai Qiuchi was in the wrong, he would not say no to using Xie He to quell Bai Qiuchi’s rage. Therefore, he hadn’t expected that Xiao Yan wouldn’t blame him. He was startled.
Xiao Yan felt his heart ache upon seeing Xie He like this. Xie He had clearly never done anything wrong but had always had to suffer punishment and humiliation. It had all been because his status was so low.... Everything Bai Qiuchi got to enjoy was originally meant to be his.
Xiao Yan really wanted to tell Xie He the truth but he ended up swallowing the words. He couldn’t say it. If Xie He knew, he might become even less likely to forgive Xiao Yan.
Xie He seemed to relax slightly. Regardless, it was good as long as Xiao Yan wasn’t angry. “Many thanks to Your Highness.”
Xiao Yan caressed Xie He’s hair and said in a hoarse voice, “From now on, you won’t see her again.... I...let her move out.”
He didn’t tell Xie He what he really did to Bai Qiuchi. Xie He was already scared of him enough as is. If he knew what vicious methods he had employed, he would be even less likely to allow Xiao Yan to get close to him.
Xie He was astonished but didn’t ask any questions. He only nodded obediently. He didn’t care about Bai Qiuchi. At most, she would just humiliate him a bit. He only cared about Song Heng.
It had already been a whole day since Song Heng had been captured. Xie He was really wracked with worry. He was extremely afraid of angering Xiao Yan but he still gathered up the courage to ask about this. “Song daren, he....”
Xiao Yan immediately said, “Benwang has already saved him. He is currently safe and sound.”
The stone in Xie He’s chest dropped. He lowered his gaze, a smile painting his lips. However, a sliver of weakness and sorrow flashed through his eyes. From now on, it will be very unlikely that he will ever get to see Song Heng again. This was because he was the wangfu’s servant.... Regardless of whether it was in life or death, he was nothing but His Highness’ play thing. How could he even dream of living a normal life or being loved? He was nothing but an ignoble courtesan. He had to deal with the consequences of not staying in his place.
Xiao Yan knew that Xie He only had Song Heng in his heart, but he couldn’t let go. Aside from the throne, this was the first time he had ever wanted something this much. He wanted to take Xie He and make him his. Even if he could only keep him near physically, at least this way, Xie He could still be solely his.
Xiao Yan was a haughty man. Countless women in the Capital adored him. Countless more wanted him to bestow his favour on them and induct them into his harem. Even if they couldn’t get an official title, that was fine. Nevertheless, Xiao Yan had never spared a glance at these people. What he had never expected was that there would be a day where he would be the one to like someone who wouldn’t spare him a glance, or that he would even refuse to let go of the person he liked and do such ridiculous, dirty things. But this feeling...how could one understand it if one has never experienced it?
Now, he understood what it was like. It was only when one cared about someone that one would realize that letting go wasn’t as easy as simply wanting to let go.
................................................
When Xie He found out that Song Heng was fine, he was able to stay in the wangfu with his heart at ease. He didn’t go anywhere, he didn’t think of anything. He had no regard for his life. But he did feel like his days were no longer so unbearable. He was just satisfied with being able to just get by each day.
Xiao Yan would spend every day at Xie He’s side. He was extremely gentle. Even though Xie He still smiled at him and acted docile and well-behaved, Xiao Yan could tell that the other was just forcing himself.
Xie He only felt fear towards him. There was no trust. Xie He would forever act like he was inferior to him.
Xiao Yan could hold the person he loved in his arms but it would still feel like they were separated by ten thousand crags and torrents. He would never be able to get close to the other’s heart again. Originally, Xiao Yan had the chance to love Xie He. They could have had an equal, mutually-respectful love. If he had found out the truth earlier or perhaps fallen in love with Xie He earlier.... He was so useless. Back then, if he hadn’t abandoned Xie He and properly pampered him, they would never have gotten here.
He could not blame anyone else. He had made all those decisions with a calm, rational mind. No one had forced him. It had all been his own decisions.
Xiao Yan felt dejected but he didn’t dare show it. He was afraid Xie He would start making assumptions. Xiao Yan could only swallow down this bitter fruit. It was just that he couldn’t bear to see Xie He this cheerless. But one day, Xiao Yan suddenly thought of an idea. He could disguise his face and meet with Xie He.
This morning, Xiao Yan pretended to leave. After disguising his face and changing his clothes, he took the jade pendant with him and pretended to scale the walls.
Xie He’s legs were no good. He could not move much. Therefore, he usually just lied on the bed. Although Xiao Yan treated him very gently, Xie He only felt a bitter, cold fear towards him. He always felt like he was walking on thin ice. It was only when Xiao Yan left that he could relax a bit.
Just then, the window opened abruptly. A shadow jumped in, scaring Xie He. He was about to scream when the person immediately covered his mouth! The man’s low, strange voice sounded in his ear. “Don’t be afraid, it’s me.”
When Xie He heard this voice, he calmed down. He felt the hand remove itself from his lips. He spoke in a fretful, hushed voice. “Why are you here?”
Xiao Yan said, “I’ve been worried since I left that day, so I came to check up on you.”
Xie He looked at him, extremely grateful. His eyes glistened. They were but strangers that had come together by chance, but this person cared about him. He whispered, “I’m fine. The wangfu is too dangerous. Don’t come here again”
Xiao Yan solemnly said, “A mere wangfu can’t trouble me. You are my saviour. I cannot leave you like this.”
When Xie He heard this, he flashed the other a small, pure smile. Back then, he had just casually rescued someone. He hadn’t thought much about it. Who would have expected that this person would still think of his kindness even after all these years? His chest filled with warmth. However, this only made him more determined not to implicate the other. Xie He gave him a gentle and beautiful grin. It looked like there were stars in his eyes. He said, “I still don’t know what your name is.”
Xiao Yan hadn’t seen Xie He smile from the depths of his heart like this for a long time. His heart rippled. If it wasn’t for the mask covering his face, Xie He would have seen him with a full on blush. When Xiao Yan appeared before Xie He with his true face, he would only ever see Xie He give him that self-abased, fawning smile. When had he ever seen such a radiant, breathtaking side to Xie He? Xiao Yan was ecstatic that it seemed like he had made the right decision for once. He coughed softly. “My last name is Yan. You...can call me Yan dage.”
Xie He nodded and looked at him earnestly. “Yan dage, thank you for your kind intentions, but you really don’t have to come anymore. I’m fine. You don’t have to worry. His Highness...treats me really well. I’m really fine.”
Xiao Yan felt sour upon seeing this. How could he not see that Xie He was only saying this to comfort him? Xie He didn’t think Xiao Yan treated him well at all. It had been so hard for Xiao Yan to come up with a way to interact with Xie He without the other fearing or loathing him, how could he leave? Mulling over it, he said, “Do...you have any wishes? I owe you my life. As long as you tell me, I will help you fulfill it!”
Xie He’s expression changed when he heard this. Soon after, he shook his head.
Xiao Yan noticed Xie He’s hesitation. He believed that Xie He did, in fact, have a wish. It was just that he was afraid of troubling ‘Yan dage’ and was thus unwilling to say it. Therefore, he grabbed hold of Xie He’s hand and said in a low voice, “Don’t look down on me. Tell me what you wish for.”
How could Xie He not be tempted, seeing Xiao Yan so sincere? He hesitated and then said, “But...it’s really dangerous....”
Xiao Yan thought, did he want me to take him away from here? ...Well, it wasn’t like he couldn’t. He could just find somewhere else to hide Xie He. At worst, Xiao Yan would just move. He suppressed the disappointment and sourness in his heart and said, “Tell me. I will definitely be able to do it.”
After saying this, Xiao Yan waited nervously. Xie He had saved his life...who knew what Xie He would request of him? Even if it was as hard as flying through the skies, he would still have to do it.
Xie He hesitated for a long time before finally gazing at Xiao Yan with anticipation in his eyes. “Then I’ll tell you.... But you absolutely must not force yourself! It’s fine if you can’t do it.”
Xiao Yan stared at Xie He and said, “Don’t worry. I will definitely have the power to do it.”
Xie He nodded, slivers of affection and longing appearing in his eyes. He quietly said, “I just want...to be able to see Song Heng one more time.”
Eve: ... Hehe. Hits to both BQC and XY, the seeking death duo.
sere: damn.... hurt