BXBX NOVEL Chapter 30 — My heart is in a mess
Chapter 30 - My heart is in a mess
“The tea that you pour for me has such a gentle taste to it.”
Mother said with a gentle smile as she stroked my younger self’s head. Every day was peaceful and happy.
However, that happiness was suddenly stolen away from me…… In such a terrible way……
Then, I swore to myself. That I would definitely get revenge on those that stole away our happiness from us, and take away both their lives and their social statuses.
I’m the only son of Marquis Deek, Sirius Deek. That’s my current name.
Since I have magic power, I entered magic school when I was 15. Since my academics and magic powers were both really good, I got selected to be a member of the student council, and everyone in the Deek house praised me for it.
When I first started to often hear that person’s name around me, was when I met my childhood friend Nico again at school.
The last time I met my childhood friend Nico, I think he was about ten years old or so, and we finally met again after five years, but…… Nico’s changed so much in the last five years.
Before, he always seemed to be a boy with rather lonely eyes…… But now his eyes are shining, and loneliness is nowhere to be found in his eyes.
Honestly, I had felt a little close to him because of his lonely eyes back then, so I felt that it was too bad how he’s changed.
And so, from Nico who’s changed so much, I began to often hear that person’s name.
“Katarina Claes,” the daughter of Duke Claes.
For the taciturn and expressionless Nico, he would only ever talk about this girl, and when talking about her his usual expression would change from unmoving to a lively one. This girl was probably the person that removed the loneliness from Nico’s eyes.
Then, during spring of next year, that girl appeared in front of me who had become the second-year student council president.
From Nico talking about her, I had thought that she’d be a beautiful, saintly person, but……
When I actually met Katarina Claes, my first impression was that there was nothing special about this girl.
She was reasonably good-looking enough, but she was no match for Maria Campbell and the others that had been picked to be on the student council this year.
Also, she wasn’t very smart either, and had almost no magic powers. Frankly speaking, this duke’s daughter, had nothing more than the title of being Prince Jared’s fiancee.
However, her fiance Prince Jared and all the other outstanding members of the student council were head over heels in love with this unremarkable girl. What’s more, the teachers threatened “if you don’t let Katarina come and go as she pleases in the student council room, we won’t let you use the student council room either.”
Exactly what is it about that girl?
I thought it was really strange, but…… Honestly, as long as she didn’t get in the way of my revenge, I didn’t care either way.
But, in order for me to accomplish my revenge, I still needed to play the role of an excellent, calm student council president here, so I tried to get along well in my own way with the new members of the student council. Because of that, there’s also a need to treat the girl that they all love so much with a certain degree of courtesy.
That’s why, on that day, when I brought out and poured some tea for Katarina Claes, it was just meant to be a simple courtesy.
“The tea that president pours for me has such a gentle taste to it.”
When Katarina received the tea and drank it, that’s what she said as she smiled gently.
I was terribly shaken at those words and that smile…… To the extent where my mask of calmness that I’ve been wearing for so many years almost crumbled……
Up until now, the other student council members would just say “delicious” to the tea I poured for them, but…… There’s only been one person in my life before that’s said the tea I poured for them had a “gentle taste……”
What’s more…… That gentle smile looked too much like her…… My chest began aching badly.
I was too badly shaken at that point, to remember how I responded to Katarina. However, I felt like a crack was appearing in the acting skills I’ve cultivated over many years from such an ordinary conversation.
And so, ever since that event, whenever I would come into contact with Katarina Claes, I would be severely shaken.
I’ve vowed revenge ever since that day when everything was stolen away from me, I’ve always lived only for that.
I covered myself with a mask of calmness, I got excellent grades, and while deceiving all those around me -
I used the dark magic that I had, and began my preparations. I gathered funds, forged evidence of crimes, and the day where I could take revenge by my own hands was coming soon.
And yet…… When it comes to dealing with Katarina Claes…… It’s not going well……
For the sake of my revenge, I’ve been coolly dealing in underhanded and shady business. And, even though I wasn’t supposed to have any regrets, confusion, or have my heart be in a mess from all this……
And yet…… Every time Katarina’s clear light blue eyes look at me directly…… She would always say “president is really gentle” and smile towards me…… My heart became badly disturbed.
There’s a girl named Maria Campbell in the student council. She’s a commoner, a special girl that has the power of light magic. She’s very smart, has powerful magic, and has beauty that’s admired by many people, she’s really such a fortunate girl. And yet, she had such lonely eyes.
Those eyes were very similar to Nico’s from so long ago, so just like with Nico before her, I felt very close to her.
But, she changed as well.
After a certain point in time, the lonely atmosphere about Maria disappeared, and it looked like she was getting closer to Katarina and her friends outside of the student council as well.
And so, Maria’s eyes began following Katarina around, and she would always smile so happily whenever their eyes met.
Katarina Claes was surrounded by so many people, and smiled so happily. Nico and Maria would look at her with sparkling eyes, and always look so happy to be by her side.
Katarina’s appearance to them, was just like the saintly person that Nico had told me about before……
However, whenever I looked at her, my heart couldn’t help but be so unsettled…… Sometimes, the mask that I’ve cultivated for so long over the years would even fall off for short periods of time.
To me whose heart was so bothered by Katarina - “Don’t bother with that kind of person! Keep making preparations for your revenge!” is what another me was telling myself.
But still…… No matter what, I found it impossible to ignore Katarina’s existence……
Coincidentally, I saw Maria Campbell being harassed once. I’ve heard that she’s being bullied out of jealousy, but this is the first time I’ve seen it for myself.
Anyways, since Sirius Deek the student council president is supposed to stop these sorts of things, I stepped in and stopped it, and warned off the girls that were harassing her.
I asked her “are you alright?” and Maria replied with “thank you very much. I’m fine” and looked as if she was still standing quite firm.
Anyways, for noble children to be stooping to this level of harassment, I’m amazed at their shallowness.
Indeed, Maria Campbell is a commoner, and has a low social status compared to everyone else at this school. But, she has the power of light magic. There’s only a handful of light magic users in our country, and they’re considered a very important existence.
Since Maria is special, the moment she entered this school, the ministry of magic’s already been keeping an eye on her.
With light magic, and on top of that quite strong magic powers as well, the instant that Maria graduates from magic school, without a doubt she’ll be entering the ministry of magic with quite a high ranked job as well.
If they keep harassing Maria who’s been promised a high ranking position just lower than that of the king’s in the ministry of magic like that, they’ll definitely be punished for their crimes eventually. They’re really so foolish because they don’t even know that.
As I was thinking that, I suddenly came up with an idea. I wonder if Katarina Claes would be able to cover up these crimes that these foolish girls are currently committing right now. If, she wasn’t able to cover up these kinds of crimes, even for a duke’s daughter, she wouldn’t get off easy. If everything goes right…… From this school, Katarina will…… She might disappear from my sight……
If I do that…… If this girl disappears from my sight…… My heart might not be in such a mess anymore.
After I made my decision, I acted quickly. I investigated the harassment that Maria’s been receiving, and let’s make it as if Katarina was the one doing it.
After that, I’ll just manipulate Katarina with dark magic, and then have her do various bad things to Maria and all will go as planned, but…… Things didn’t go that way.
It’s said that people with dark magic can freely manipulate people’s hearts and minds. But, the way to obtain such a magic, as well as the dangers associated with it, is concealed from the public.
However, this magic definitely isn’t all-powerful. It can’t actually manipulate a person’s heart and mind any way you want.
You can erase their memories, and take over their consciousness for a while, but…… You can’t make them do what they don’t want to do.
It’s not possible to make someone love what they hate, or hate what they love.
If there’s any jealousy or hatred present, I can increase it and make people take action, but…… Without jealousy or hatred in the first place I can’t create it in them.
And so…… Katarina had no feelings of jealousy towards Maria at all.
I can amplify feelings of jealousy, and make her bully Maria, but…… I can’t amplify what’s not there……
In the end, I wasn’t able to enact my plan of having Katarina harass Maria.
Therefore, with only circumstantial evidence, I increased the jealousy and hatred of some girls that didn’t think well of Katarina, and had them confront Katarina to denounce her. I also tried to separate her from her reliable knight-like friends, and at first, I was able to corner Katarina into a desperate situation, but……
Katarina’s knights appeared earlier than I had planned for and my plan ended in failure. My perfectly made evidence was also dissected apart by all those in love with Katarina.
And, the most unexpected occurrence of all, was Maria Campbell. With such a strong will, she clearly said “it’s not Katarina.” Despite all the evidence I had lined up against her, she still believed in Katarina so much. At some point in time, just like Katarina’s knights, she’s already been completely captured by Katarina as well.
And so, my strategy to corner Katarina failed completely.
However, those girls completely forgot their memories from that time, and I also tinkered with the memories of the student council members about what they were doing during that lunch break.
That’s why, it’s not possible to trace this incident back to me.
I looked coldly at how happy Katarina was being surrounded by her friends, and returned to the student council room.
And then, this incident should have ended without the truth being revealed. However, a bit after I returned to the student council room and was finishing up some work, she appeared.
Maria Campbell, she had just brilliantly defended Katarina earlier and caused my plan to fail - the only person in this school with the power of light magic.
Lunch break is already over now, why would she be here now…… My question was immediately answered.
With an angry look on her face, Maria spoke up.
“Before, I felt like president had been glaring at Katarina…… At that time, I thought it was just my imagination, but…… I remembered it again during this incident…… But, I really couldn’t believe that president would be related to this incident…… That’s why I wanted to check how president was doing. ……Anyways…… President, what’s that?”
“Maria-san, exactly what are you talking about? This incident? Is something the matter with Katarina-san?”
I pretended to be confused.
No way, my mask fell off for an instant, and of all things she saw me glaring at Katarina, what a great blunder I’ve committed, but there’s no evidence whatsoever. I’m just going to pretend to not know what she’s talking about, and immediately erase her memory.
“……You don’t know what I’m talking about? But…… I think that president is related to this incident after all…… Because, around the president…… There’s a black mist floating around you that’s the same as what was around the girls that were confronting Katarina-sama!”
“!?”
Involuntarily, I opened my eyes wide and stared at the black mist…… Unbelievable, the black mist that was the evidence of dark magic……
Up until now, I’ve used dark magic so many times and never had it pointed out to me, it had seemed to me that nobody else could see it.
- It must be because of the power of light magic. Ever since I’ve acquired dark magic, I’ve never met a person with light magic until now.
Dark and light magic counter each other.
Since Maria Campbell has light magic…… Maybe that’s why she can see the evidence of dark magic……
She was firmly looking at me with a severe look on her face…… As expected, if I keep going on like this, things might get difficult for me. In that case……
“Haha, as expected of a holder of light magic. That’s right. I was behind this incident. All in order to get rid of that annoying girl.”
“!?”
I walked slowly towards Maria who was frozen still while staring at me. I can’t activate dark magic unless I’m touching them, so I reached out my arm and touched Maria on her shoulder.
“……But, it’s better if you don’t know those things anymore.”
I used dark magic to erase all the bad things about me from Maria’s memory, and in a few seconds, Maria will have forgotten our entire conversation today. That’s how it was supposed to be…… But……
“Well then, Maria-san. Classes are about to start, so let’s return to the classrooms.”
“……What are you talking about? President. I’m not done talking with you yet.”
Maria had a dubious expression on her face.
……It couldn’t be……
Once again, I tried using dark magic on Maria, but……
“What exactly have you been trying to do just now?”
Maria kept looking at me with a dubious look on her face…… It seems that my magic doesn’t work on her…… It can’t be, as a holder of light magic…… Does dark magic not work on her……
If I can’t erase her memory…… Then, I can’t let her go just like this.
“President, why is it that Katarina-sama……”
Since magic doesn’t work on Maria, I just knocked her out with a physical attack instead.
Maria’s learned something she doesn’t need to know, there’s no way I can just let her return to Katarina and the others just like this without having erased her memories. And so, I moved the unconscious Maria to a secret room within the school.
Everything’s been going well up until now, and this is the first major blunder I’ve committed.
This is also…… all Katarina Claes’s fault……
“That girl’s in the way” is what the other me was telling myself.
Katarina and her friends immediately found out that Maria was missing.
And so, they did their very best to search for Maria.
About the existence of this secret room at school, only a few people in the Deek family know about it, and they shouldn’t be able to find it so easily, but……
At any rate, I can’t just keep Maria locked up in there forever. I tried using dark magic on Maria many times over after that, and I was lost at what to do with her since she’s completely unaffected by magic……
“Rather than leaving her like this, let’s kill her to shut her up forever” is what the other me was beginning to say.
The fourth day after Maria’s confinement began, I went to see how she was doing during a self-study break. Maria seemed to be quite down, and I wondered if dark magic would finally work on her now as I spied on her, but…… Even though she’s been confined to a small and dark room, Maria was still standing firm.
In disgust at the way she hadn’t changed at all, and on my way back to the campus, I found a single person all by her lonesome sitting on a bench in the school garden.
That person was Katarina Claes, the main person responsible for driving me into this predicament.
“Katarina-san? What are you doing in a place like this?”
Katarina seemed to be really surprised at the voice behind her as she looked back.
“Uh, uhh…… I wasn’t feeling well, so I was just resting in the infirmary, and I was about to return to the classrooms……”
Indeed, as she said, she didn’t look well.
“So that’s how it was. But, we still haven’t found Maria-san yet, it’s dangerous to be here by yourself in such an out-of-the-way place such as this. I’ll accompany you.”
As the student council president Sirius Deek, I have to act like this. And so, I stretched out my hand for her to take.
“Th, thank you very much.”
When Katarina placed her hand in mine with a smile - just like always, my heart started getting discomposed.
I’m feeling really uncomfortable from how sunny the garden is. I really want to get back to the classrooms as soon as possible.
But for some reason, Katarina froze up after taking my hand.
“Katarina-san, what’s the matter?”
When I asked her, Katarina just stared straight at me with those light blue eyes of hers. Then -
“President…… Do you have dark magic? And, what did you do to Maria?”
I’m really badly shaken but… Because of my long years of acting, I was able to reply smoothly.
“………What’s dark magic?”
I acted as if I’d never heard of dark magic before, and pretended to be confused.
Katarina seemed to be thinking about something as she tilted her head.
Why did she ask me something like this so suddenly…… In the first place, does she know something about dark magic, or did one of her excellent knights detect something……
However, I can’t admit that I know anything right now. Katarina doesn’t seem to be so sure of the answer like Maria was, so it shouldn’t be too hard to deceive her. Even though that’s what I intended……
“That’s right. You’ve probably never heard of such a thing. It’s impossible that such a gentle president would do anything to Maria and us with the power of dark magic. I’m sorry for asking you such a weird thing.”
When I saw how Katarina was laughing like usual as she said so - something within me snapped.
Before I realized it, the calm mask of Sirius Deek that I had been wearing for many years had completely fallen off.
“……President……?
Katarina seemed to be a bit shaken as she looked at me.
“……Gentle…… You said I’m always like that, right.”
“……I mean, since president is really gentle and all……”
Even after seeing my mask fall off, Katarina’s still saying such things. She’s really stupid.
“That’s all just acting. It’s really easy to pretend to be gentle and calm. It looks like it was so easy to fool all you idiots, eh.”
“!?”
At seeing how Katarina opened her eyes wide in surprise, a smile appeared on my face because of how idiotic she was.
“By the way, I also kidnapped Maria Campbell. Because she found something out that she shouldn’t have. Also, Katarina Claes, I really hate you. Saying that you’re helping those that are lonely, saving people with the intention of being a hypocrite! I can’t help but be irritated whenever I look at you!”
It was as if everything that had been bottled up inside me came pouring out the moment that the dam within me broke.
“You should just disappear somewhere already!”
I had nothing but words full of hatred and malice for the girl in front of me.
With this, Katarina should be quite afraid of me…… She might even look at me and return the same kind of words full of hatred and malice back to me at this rate. That’s what I thought, but……
“……Are you alright?”
Katarina’s response was such a question…… And, for some reason, she was looking at me worriedly.
Why is this…… Why are you still looking at me with those eyes…… Did you even hear what I said just now…… Even though I just said I kidnapped Maria……
And then, Katarina reached out her other hand that I wasn’t holding, and touched my cheek, as gently as if she was caring for me.
Why…… Why…… Why……
Why aren’t you afraid of me, why don’t you hate me…… Don’t look at me with those eyes!
I knocked away the warm hand that was touching my cheek.
“……You hypocrite…… That’s enough out of you! Don’t bother yourself with me! Don’t get close to me! Don’t smile at me! ……Disappear from my sight already!”
If you look at me with those light blue eyes - If you get close to me - If you smile at me -
I won’t be the me that I’ve been up to now anymore……
“I’ll do anything for revenge” is what I’ve sworn, but I’m wavering - The other me kept urging me to “get rid of this girl” and -
At his urging, I used dark magic on her hand that I was still holding.
“Just go to sleep like that. Keep sleeping until your life runs out.”
In front of my eyes, Katarina slowly collapsed onto the ground -
I robbed her consciousness, and forced her into dreamland, and she’ll probably keep sleeping like this in a dream.
Until her life runs out -
With this, that annoying girl is finally gone. I’ll be able to live just like before, only thinking about revenge.
My heart won’t be in a mess anymore.
Even though that’s how it was supposed to be…… The pain wouldn’t disappear from my chest……
On the contrary…… At seeing Katarina asleep like that…… My heart became even more discomposed.
Something similar to water was dripping out of my eyes. Exactly what is this, I wonder.