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Chapter 890  Good Morning And Good Bye

I felt like I shouldn\'t even be looking at her. Staring just felt like intruding. The best thing for me to do, as far as my gut was telling me, was to look away and find a random corner to get strangely fascinated about.

An argument and a half ago, I was dying on the inside just badly wanting to say something, anything - shocking how fast that urge diminished in just a span of a couple of minutes.

But I wasn\'t the only one who had their intentions radically shifted.

Locks of red at a dim, dull glare, still flickering the walls on either side of her with her fading color, Ria was at a standstill. So dead set on walking away moments before.

Not anymore.

For someone who has been so adamant throughout about not having her mind changed, she does seem to be doing a lot of contemplating at the moment.

And all it took were a few minutes, a few words… or at the very least far fewer words than when I had my turn trying to convince her on my own. Irene was all it took for that to happen.

Yeah, I may not be her knight, but Irene was her princess. To her, she\'d listen. To her… she\'d waver, think… hesitate.

But was it enough?

Once again, I dared to believe - allowed myself that high, high hope of happily ever after.

Ria continued to remain stagnant, silent… long enough that I\'m amazed she didn\'t char the floor with her prints… but then, after a long hour spanning a single minute, she stirred back to life - started to move again - except only not in the direction that I had hoped she would be inching toward.

From close by, I heard Irene take a deep breath and saw her gaze ever so slightly sink into the vague descent of disappointment… or maybe it was acceptance?

It took only a few more paces, a short journey with her head hung low, for Ria to end up with her back up against the door to her room, her bed, her exit. Without looking, she felt around for the handle, and when she eventually did find it, her fingers almost seem to recoil from it, as if touching something revolting, unwanted - or at least it seemed so, I still hoped so - then she grabbed on, pulled, the door creaked open, and finally, all hope had vanished.

Why did I think that that would have changed anything anyway? For a few minutes, for just a few moments, Ria was pushed to mull about the contrary… compare that to the entire rest of her life, where she had all the time to think, all the reasons in the world to want what she wanted.

Irene never stood a chance in the first place…

"And you…?" Ria turned her head, the faint luster of her stare beaming back at me, the tears that had welled up already all but evaporated. "Your girlfriend just rimmed my ass something fierce, you\'re really not gonna try and go for a final blow on me?"

Somehow she\'s still able to sound so vulgar, so crass… and yet all the same… she sounded so sad. What does that mean anyway? Was she waiting for me to say something, or was it that she secretly wanted me to? Can I even hope for that? Do I even still dare?

"What\'s there to say?"

No…

"You already heard everything that matters, and if even that couldn\'t stop you…"

I don\'t.

She didn\'t react, no disappointment, no relief, not a single trace of anything shaped upon her face.

"Do me a favor," Ria quietly said after a while, only she wasn\'t looking at me when she spoke. "Not like you have a choice in the matter - but treat her good, won\'t you? She gets clingy easy. Grumpy, even easier. Like a puppy. Oversized. Leave her alone too long, and she\'ll whine and yelp like nothing else, pawing at you, tugging with everything she\'s got… and then that\'s you feeling like shit like you never had before."

A mirror might as well be in front of her face, saying what she was saying… the irony clearly wasn\'t lost on her, the weary edge in her voice, the straying direction of her stare…

There were so many things I could say in response. There was an opening here to be callous, say something cold, mean… pretty much just rubbed it in deeper, but I didn\'t feel like it. I didn\'t even feel like speaking.

"Goes without saying," I said anyway, trying to sound as assuring as I could; seeing her standing there so hunched, defeated… like a little bird with her wing broken.

But either way - don\'t think she heard me anyhow. She didn\'t move, she didn\'t stir, still just staring away in the same direction, at that same person, one foot frozen over the opened doorway, her grip on the handle clenching tighter.

"Irene…" Ria said, verging on a whisper, her voice wavering at her name. "Whatever you make of this, whatever your point of view is… it doesn\'t change what\'s actually true. No matter what… I really do love you."

"The actual truth?" Irene barely looked at her, tone deceivingly polite. "Or is that just from your own point of view?"

"It\'s…" she paused, looking more and more at the part of that frail helpless bird. "I hope it would be ours. I\'m hoping… that you see it too. You do, don\'t you?"

No answer.

"Irene…" Ria tried again, every ounce of emotion, every ounce of the truth, a painful look upon her face. "I love you..."

For all we know, that might as well be the final words she\'d ever say, that we\'d ever hear; Irene formed another small smile, bearing both in mind, and simply responded in kind.

"I know."

It finally happened. After saying all that could have been said, Ria finally took another step, embers fading, the light dying, and crimson eyes no longer to be found. A moment later, the hallway echoed with a slam, a click, and together hand-in-hand with silence, emptiness filled the stretch of darkness staring back at us.

Ria was gone.

I don\'t know why, but I really expected more. There should be there, shouldn\'t there? That\'s twice now I watched her go, why is it that I\'m not feeling more?

It felt too simple, normal… but this wasn\'t… I mean, what just happened… it was big, momentous… wasn\'t it?

And more than anything, it didn\'t really feel all that concrete - feels like I could just barge in there right now and she\'d still be there, because she was.

She wasn\'t asleep yet. She wasn\'t gone yet.

If I strained my ears, I think, maybe - did I hear a bed creak? Was that bedsheet rustling? No, \'course not, I\'m just trying to pour life into the silence… trying to replace what just left.

I must have been frozen in place for like a fortnight… or at least long enough for Irene to be the first to stir to life, shambling to the nearest couch and collapsing in a hunch.

"I shouldn\'t have said anything," she whispered, her voice so quiet, but the guilt resounding within much less so. "I should have let her leave when she was going to the first time. She doesn\'t deserve to bring all of that with her."

"I disagree," I said, snapping out of my stupor in an instant. "Everything you said - she needed to hear all of that."

"Even so - "

"More importantly, everything she said," I cut her off. "You needed to hear all of that too."

As much as she furrowed and frowned, Irene couldn\'t in any way argue with that.

"I just… before I even realized it, I was opening my mouth. I didn\'t get a chance to think, to react… and the next thing I knew, I was shouting at her…"

Irene glanced up at me, weary, hollow eyes already worn out for the day… despite it barely even starting.

"Really wish you had stopped me," she said.

I stared back at her. "Do you?"

Once again, her frown deepened and she averted her eyes.

"No… no, never mind, I…" she swiped a half-empty cup from the table, and without caring whose, finished the rest in a gulp. "You\'re right. I needed that."

As slow and delicate as I could, I took a seat close beside her. Right then, seeing her so deep down in the dumps, I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and keep her locked tight, full stop.

But for the moment, I kept my hands to myself. If she wanted me, needed me… then I\'m there.

"I needed that, fine. But she… she didn\'t need me yelling at her face. She didn\'t need me doubting her. Especially not at that moment," Irene continued on. "After everything she\'s done for me tonight, how could I possibly accuse her of being insincere about anything?"

"Irene…"

"Why didn\'t I apologize? Just now, before she left. It was the last chance I had to. I thought about it, I wanted to do it, why didn\'t I…? Why is it that when it\'s something I want to do, I can\'t? What stopped me, why…? It doesn\'t make any sense."

"Apologize - what?" I said, scoffing involuntarily in pure disbelief. "What\'s your crime, Irene? Caring too much?"

"I wish! Because if I did, I would have kept my shut instead of… instead of…" her voice died away again, a hollow whisper leaving in wisps of regret. "Why didn\'t I tell her… I loved her too?"

That, I couldn\'t do much to answer, to comfort, because really, there was nothing else for me to say other than to tell her that…

"She knows."

A minute passed, then two, three… somewhere between the extended silence, I noticed her glancing back at the corridor.

"I\'m guessing she\'s asleep now," she muttered, raising her head up slightly. "She usually doesn\'t take long to."

"Don\'t wanna check?" I asked.

"No."

"Want me to check?"

"No, no… just… I\'ll check on her eventually, later… right now, I just want to…God… I… I need…"

"Need to…?"

It happened so fast.

The rush of air leaving my lungs, the sudden weight hitting my chest. Briefly, I felt my eyes reel blind smothered by a sweet aroma… only for me to immediately sober up hearing the painful stifle of a sob muffled against my shirt.

"You…" Irene said quietly, choking on a gasp, her arms around me clinging tighter. "I need you…"

I didn\'t hesitate. Without a word, with only my arms folding to embrace her, I let her have me.

"Stay…" she pleaded. "I don\'t think I want to be alone right now…"

I didn\'t need to say a word in response. As far as I\'m concerned, I\'m hers.

For as long as she wanted. For as long as I was needed.

Her body felt so tense, warm… I could feel her twitch, hear her holding back every unwilling tear.

Any closer, tighter, and I could probably hear her every thought, eavesdropping on her delving through a billion regrets she\'s made in these past few moments.

I wish there was something I could do, anything I could say to get her to stop.

Eventually, I knew she would. In time, she\'d stop on her own.

Time, that was what she desperately needed now.

I glanced at the clock - a brand new day was arriving, a brand new year, bringing with it all that\'s gained… and all that\'s lost.

So far, it\'s been quite a bumpy start. For Irene especially. But I\'m positive things would look up further down along the line.

Ria might be gone, asleep… never to be heard from again…

And yeah, to Irene, maybe she might as well be.

But me, personally? Well…

There\'s always next year, right?