BXBX NOVEL Chapter 838 More Than Words
Chapter 838 More Than Words
No fizzling sparks, no system errors flashing red and impending across her eyes, there was just only this silence… only this stare… that somehow looked and felt even emptier than empty… and I knew exactly what she was going through.
All the times she had me speechless, stunned, stumped, because of something she did, something she said - right then, she was definitely feeling everything I would feel tenfold, or maybe more, I wouldn\'t know…
I don\'t think I had ever reacted the way she did now for anything, honestly… and all I did was pull out a slip of paper too.
She really was the extremely sentimental sort, it seems.
Adorable.
"A letter, huh?" Amanda roused back to life with a quiet mutter, wearing a subdued smile that seemed unsure of her own delight. "Since when did you even have time to…?"
"What do you mean?" I raised both eyebrows at her. "I had a pretty long fifteen minutes there, don\'t you remember?"
She let out a quieter laugh, and again, she sounded as if she wasn\'t sure if she should even be laughing in the first place. In her hand, she glimpsed back down at the drawing of her, finding in it a newfound perspective.
"It\'s no wonder I look the way I look," she raised her gaze back towards me. "Someone wasn\'t playing by the rules."
"Hey, you\'d have done the same," I said simply in my defense. "If you could."
The same meek smile lingered on her lips, tightening briefly, as she held back a wheezing cough.
"Yeah…" she whispered weakly, agreeing. "I guess so…"
What was going on here? Like, really? I know I caught her completely by surprise, but just how long was she planning to stay… surprised? I thought she\'d be louder, spunkier, completely squealing with ecstasy, and swiping the slip of paper from my hand faster than feasibly possible.
Yet alas, I was still holding onto the letter for some strange, unknown reason.
"Well?" I spoke up, deciding to give her a gentle nudge. "Aren\'t you going to take it?"
Beeping, booping, Amanda did her best to compute a reasonably human response back.
"Oh. Oh, right. Yeah. I\'ll just - thanks," then more mechanical than an actual cyborg, Amanda plucked the letter into her hand, overlaying it atop the drawing still in her hands. "Sorry, I just, it\'s just… it\'s… wow… you know? No, \'course you don\'t know - stupid- I just… you know… I just never…"
"Amanda," I said, stopping her there before her brain actually fizzles. "Whenever you\'re ready, alright? We\'ll go at your pace."
In the midst of her senselessness, Amanda managed to surface through an appreciative nod. Now, with all the time and serenity in the world, she used it to regain back a semblance of her composure… the look on her face was much more at ease.
"You sure about this?" she asked, cocking a brow, and waving the piece of paper in a firm grip. "Like, I\'m sure this is far more embarrassing than just drawing a picture, right? You really think it\'s a good idea to give me a - ?"
"No, not really," I answered, shaking my head fervently. "I think it\'s mortifying - my heart\'s pounding like a drum here. My face feels like lava, damn it. You start laughing, that\'s me off this cliff."
"So why even - ?"
"Because I wanted to," I interjected again, shrugging, smiling. "Regardless, I wanted to. That\'s all there is to it."
Amanda sighed, and I could hear her breath quiver - excited, ecstatic - if only in faint traces. Slowly, she drew the paper closer to herself, raising it up almost like a leveraging gun.
"It\'s your funeral, you know?"
"I know," I nodded, accepting my fate with no regrets whatsoever. "So go on, just get my eulogy over with already."
She coughed, she laughed, and with a slight rustle of paper, Amanda heaved in a sharp, rousing breath.
"To my dearly beloved Amanda…"
I felt my heart stop, my eyes bulged; every vein in my body bursting with unadulterated panic.
"Not out loud, you - !"
"I\'m reading it out loud!" Amanda declared, quickly swiping the paper out of my reach before I had the chance to snatch it from hers. "Stay! You\'re dead! Stay! Rot with the consequences! I\'m reading it!"
No, no, no - I didn\'t think of this! I thought she would just read it in silence, giggle, laugh, throw me a look here and there - not start fucking narrating it like that like it\'s my freaking memoirs!
That\'s not how you read letters!
"Anyway…" Amanda cleared her throat, flashing me a warning glance once, before setting her gaze back onto my words with a giddy smile. "Hello, my dear lovely spoiled little darling - surprise! I\'ve written you a letter and you\'re reading it. Bet you weren\'t expecting this, were you?"
"No, I absolutely did not, thank you," she said in response, glancing at me briefly, before she looked away, focusing on the next sentence. "Listen, I know this, you know this, but I\'ve no idea how the hell I\'m supposed to draw you, so apologies in advance if I made you out to be some eldritch abomination," she chuckled there, her voice bumping and hitching with fading laughter as she read on more. "But just know that what matters here is that you\'re my eldritch abomination. Aww ~"
For a moment, Amanda hugged the letter close, gazing silently at me with a tenderness that had me straight-up melting into a puddle of embarrassment.
"Fortunately for us, words exist in our world," she read on. "And even more fortunate, I\'ve spent a lot of time using them too. So since I know I\'ll never be able to capture you in the way I dearly wish I could - all that\'s left is this plan B I\'m hastily scribbling here and hope that it\'ll be enough."
Nothing there to leer or snicker at me for at that particular segment, so she just moved on to the next paragraph - and the moment her eyes gleaned through the first sentence, her head slumped forward in amusement.
"No poems about how lovely your boobs are, sadly, or else I\'ll just run out of time - though the thought is kind of tempting, believe me. Instead of that, I just want you to know in however many words I end up needing just how you really matter to me. Because, my lovely, loving darling, I don\'t think you really get just how much you do."
Amanda paused to breathe, her excitement, and elation, gradually stabilizing into something milder.
"You called yourself boring? basic? bland? Seriously, Amanda? And you call me dense, you bloody hypocrite. I don\'t know who or what standard you\'re trying to live up to, but it\'s clearly not mine. To be honest, it stung hearing you call yourself that. And every time I hear you put yourself down in the past or think of yourself as nothing more than an afterthought, it just makes me wanna scream out everything I love about you.
"But out loud, you know I\'m not very eloquent… I\'m not very good at expressing how I feel to others properly… but… that\'s precisely why we write letters, don\'t we? So yeah, I tricked you, this is not a love letter anymore, I\'m scolding you now - because how dare you accuse the woman I love of being boring, basic, bland, or whatever the hell else you think she might be?! I\'m not gonna let you insult her like that. She\'s more than that, alright? She\'s so much more."
She paused again, peering up over the top of the letter at me as if having something to say. But with a blink, her eyes fell back down, her voice echoing aloud a little softer.
"Take it from someone who\'s never been close with anyone his whole life, even I know you\'re as good as it gets. I don\'t exactly know what I can do to finally get you to see that, so how about a list of reasons as to why that is? Don\'t worry, it\'s a short list because I only have one: it\'s because you\'re you, Amanda.
"You say boring, I say exciting. You say bland, I say beautiful. You say anything else, I say you\'re wrong, alright? You keep thinking, striving to be something more, someone else… and then when you think you aren\'t, you start thinking that you\'re nothing. But that\'s just not it, you know? You start wishing you were something more, someone else, then where will the woman I love go?
"The person standing in front of me now waiting impatiently to see what I\'m drawing, the one who mopes around over missed Italian dinners, the girl pleading to be pushed on the swing, the kind neighbor of mine that knocked at my apartment door for the first time… tell me, what will happen to her?"
Her hands slid down to the lower edges of the page, reaching the last few paragraphs that remained, muttering in just a little more than a hushed whisper.
"Okay, you\'re looking at me now like you\'re regretting making me go first, so I think I\'ll stop here. Hopefully, you get the idea, understand what I\'m trying to say, but in case you\'re too sick to read much or you rather have a summary… here you are… the bottom of the page… tldr..."
Amanda paused again, breathing, sniveling.
"I don\'t need you to be an enthralling succubus, a loveable vampire, or the elf of every man\'s dream, understand? Be you. Just be you. Remember Amanda, I fell in love with you. The playful, pouting, pain-in-the-ass that I\'ve come to adore with all my heart. You as you are, and you as you\'ll always be. Do that, and I promise you, you\'ll have my love forever guaranteed. I want to love you forever. Can you guess why that is? Hint: three-letter word. Bigger hint: it has a big fat \'U\' in it too."
She chuckled again, an echo quiver of joy only matched by the trembling glimmer welling in her dark eyes. Then, that\'s when her smile froze, slowly beginning to fade, as she finally reached where I wanted her to, where I needed her to…
At the very end of the page.
It was time to remind her why I wanted her with me in the first place…
"And if promises written in words aren\'t enough for you, just as they never would have been enough for me…" Amanda slowly read, growing more bemused with every word I had her say. "Then I suggest you put this letter down and have a look as to what future-me taking out of my pocket right about now. Wait," She blinked. "What\'s this part supposed to…?"
It happened even quicker than I anticipated. The white flutter of her placing the letter to her side, the sudden vigilance manifesting in her eyes as they scoured for my hands, as they found them and stared… but luckily, nearly fumbling it, nearly dropping it, I still made it in just in time to witness again the indescribable look of pure surprise on her face.
Again.
No slips of paper in my hand this time, just something small, something that I promised, and something that has been a long time coming… twinkling, shimmering a bright silvery glint between my fingertips...
Dad\'s ring was like a halo reflecting deep within her hazel eyes.
"Surprise," I whispered, stifling embarrassment, amusement, and everything else long enough to slowly drop myself on one knee in front of her, beneath the skies, the trees, and the everything else in between. "Merry Late Christmas, Amanda."
much or you rather have a summary… here you are… the bottom of the page… tldr..."
Amanda paused again, breathing, sniveling.
slowly drop myself on one knee in front of her, beneath the skies, the trees, and the everything else in between. "Merry Late Christmas, Amanda."
could - all that\'s left is this plan B I\'m hastily scribbling here and hope that it\'ll be enough."
Nothing there to leer or snicker at me for at that particular segment, so she just moved on to the idea to give me a - ?"
"No, not really," I answered, shaking my head fervently. "I think it\'s mortifying - my heart\'s pounding