BXBX NOVEL Chapter 563
And blue...
And green.
A well-functioning, rational, supreme human being would probably continue walking the other way, render himself colorblind, and declare himself blind from any colorful conspiracy schemes revolving around his girlfriend.
Surely.
If I were in any way that way in the first place, then undoubtedly I’d be back at home by now, swathing the box of cholocate in some Christmas wrappings, and not here, standing in a narrow corridor of muffled songs and singing, being persuaded to join some conspiracy plot to undermine a respected officer of the law.
But... hell... I’ve lived this long in life, haven’t I? And I sure as shit didn’t get to see myself living to this ripe old age of my twenties doing anything a well-functioning, rational member of human society would do.
.....
I could probably fill a whole novel’s worth and then some of just my exploits, so there’s really no question that I was utterly infatuated with the batshit insane... and this, especially, was right up my alley.
At the very least, I should hear them out.
It’s only polite, after all.
“So you want to see the detective blushing?” I asked.
Three nods of the head, three pairs of twinkling eyes, from left to right, in almost eerie synchronization. God, it’s like they all share a single hive mind between them or something.
“You want to see her stammering, squirming? Just being absolutely adorable in general?”
Once again, the hive mind bobbed its head in consensus, eager smiles forming just picturing the very notion.
I should say no, like I really, really should. If I have any shred of courtesy, or consideration, I should shake my head. But goddamn it, I was liking that image too.
Irene squirming, writhing, her cutesy, timid side bursting forth from the cracks of her strict and taut demeanor. Like can you imagine – surrounded by her peers, amidst the pulsating beat of the bass, and the dim and dark lightning, her blushing face flimsily hidden in the downward slant of her gaze.
Yes, of course, a courteous boyfriend wouldn’t do that to her, but that courteous boyfriend would be an idiot too. What kind of honorable, reputable member of the opposite sex would think it’s alright to let this one in the lifetime chance pass him by? An idiotic one, that’s who.
And I, ladies and gentleman, am no idiot.
Well... for the most part.
Hell, these girls here were the same species as her, and even they know what’s what.
I mean they aren’t succubi but – y’know what I mean.
“Okay, say no more,” I told them. “Count me in.”
It was like a world cup finals for a few seconds there. The girls fist-bumping, high-fiving, and group hugging themselves hip-hip-hooray. They were treating it like it was mission success already. Well, I for one, ain’t seeing any blushing lady detective in sight.
“So, yes, hello there, general blue,” I spoke up, addressing the ringleader of the pack directly. “I do hope you’re formulating a plan as we speak because I got nothing for you, sadly.”
“Liar, liar,” She chanted, breaking out of her celebratory circle. “Of course you got something! Sure you do! You laid out the foundations already, didn’t you?”
“Funny,” I said, so amused I forgot to laugh. “You’d think I’d be somewhat aware of it if I did.”
“Not the quickest draw in the holster, are ya?” snickered green, sharing a taunting smile with blue.
Thankfully red, being the nicest and warmest color, cared enough to explain the blanks for me, “What you wanted for Christmas. You wanted to see the detective have fun, right?”
“And singin’s pretty fun,” trailed along green again, raising a brow. “Suggested so yourself, didn’t ya?”
“A song or two?” continued red somemore. “But sadly, I don;’t think friends don’t that anymore.”
“But boyfriend and girlfriend do!” chimed in green again. “And if we ain’t mistaken that’s what you claim to be, right?”
“Oh, and what a coincidence!” blue feigned a gasp, staring breathlessly around in total shock. “Seems like we got a perfectly good karaoke booth booked already! All prepped, and hot and steamy too.”
Of course. “Heard all that, did you?”
“Yep!” All three affirmed – these little eavesdropping devils.
“Well, if you were paying any attention, then you should know I’ve been there, done that,” I said. “Irene made her intent pretty clear.”
Blue waved her arm aside and waived away all doubts to the side. “Well, duh, she said no! But since when does no ever mean no?”
“I don’t know, would you like to consult with my good friend, Google?”
“Oh come on, come on! You got a girlfriend for how long now! and you’re seriously still taking things at face value?”
I didn’t even get a single syllable of an answer out before the rest of the squad pitched in, with green taking second place, “Look, you wouldn’t understand, it’s all good! Just call it intuition, gut-feeling, a sixth sense – whatever! Takes a lady to know a lady, alright?
Why does that sound so familiar just now...
“She’ll be convinced,” softly assured red with a small confident smile. “We know what to do.”
“Well, I’m very eager to hear your foolproof strategy,” I said. “What is it, then?”
“Manipulate her.”
“Coax her...”
“Force her!”
Came all there viable ploys at once, and now I’m seriously wondering just what the hell Irene’s got these rookies doing in their training.
Unsurprisingly, I still wasn’t all that on board with the idea, and clearly, it must have shown on my expression – ’cause there blue goes taking charge again, strutting forward with her arms crossed. “Look, we are on shift with the detective for like thirty-five to forty hours a week. I daresay we know a couple of things about the detective that not even you are aware of.”
I stayed firm on my stance, challenging her self-assured gaze, “Like what, for example?”
“For example, for example...” She muttered, stroking her chin in ponder with a wooly glove. “You know her favorite radio station on stakeouts?”
“Know the average number of arrests she makes in a day?” asked green.
“Or the amount of times she’s asked out in a week?” added red.
“No, but to be fair, those things don’t usually come up in normal conversation,” I said, objected, though privately in the know that our usual conversations were far from normal anyway. “How about giving an example that’s at least somewhat personal, hm?”
“Personal, personal...” blue said again, pausing briefly to flash a playful smirk. “Happen to know her favorite song that she loves to play on repeat all the time without fail?
Red tried suppressing a giggle. “She thinks we can’t hear her from the outside... oh, poor detective.”
“Sadly, her office ain’t as soundproof as she thinks,” roared green, having no reserves.
Okay, I admit, I don’t know that one, and it was getting plenty clear I’m vastly outvoted here three to one. No point in protesting, or arguing... after all, trying to fight against insanity was in itself completely insane. If they’re that sure, then...
“Alright, fine, you girls win,” I conceded, raising both hands in surrender. “Whatever you got in store, if you think it’ll work... I’ll play along to your tune then...”
Once again, they share a high five amongst each other, except this time including me in their mix, in their scheme... and though I still am raising eyebrows on the whole thing, I gotta admit... plotting’s pretty fun.
No wonder Amanda loves doing it.
“Don’t ya worry about a thing!” proclaimed green, patting my back with the force of a sledgehammer as she skipped and pranced down the corridor all the way to our booth. “Just follow our lead, yeah?”
“Wait for our signal,” red gently advised, sprinting right by, hands giddy with excitement. “You’ll know it when you hear it!”
Last to go was the flutter of blue, pointing after them and shrugging, “What they said,” before rounding the same corner they took and disappearing.
I watched them go, rooted to the spot with thoughts streaming through me, wondering just what the hell I got myself into. Then, when I finally did inch a foot forward – I saw a head pop back up from around the corner, a teal-blue scarf hovering inches above the carpet.
“One last thing...” came an echo, and a question funneling over, turning the breeze of thoughts in my head into a full-blown tornado. “Do you happen to know the Backstreet Boys?”