BXBX NOVEL Chapter 323 - A Confusing Answer
Cue more the feverish state of festivity, sing more the glorious hymns to my wondrous feats… because surely we didn\'t have any more of those already.
Without sounding like an ungrateful overly-pampered prick that there ever was, my newfound stardom was starting to feel just that little bit too… exasperating.
You can smile through so many photo ops before you are no longer capable of it anymore, it was like repeating a word for the umpteenth time, eventually, you just lose all meaning of it… and in my case, people opted I stayed my lips neutral then risk another botch selfie where their hero looked more donkey than human.
The festival was a raging rapids, and I was on a dinky boat without a single paddle, resigned to just holding on to the edges for dear life as the river winded and steered me from one waterfall to the other.
Fame was wearing me down to the bone. How do they do it? Amanda, Tyler… Leon even, how do they have two seconds to hear their own thoughts when it was always constantly filled with the frenetic glee of someone else\'s?
Well, I certainly couldn\'t bear with the hectic tedium for any longer, so when I saw the chance to slip away - I took it. Some guy knocked out-cold on a nearby bench had my size, had my figure… so I plopped my hat onto his bald spot, clipped my gold crest on his chest… pretty sure I\'m famous enough to warrant my own merry band of lookalikes, right?
I mean, who wouldn\'t want to wake up one day and be me for a day, amirite? If anything, I\'m sure he wouldn\'t mind holding on to my things for me for a little while.
Like a plump, juicy rat in a realm of starving cats, I hurriedly scurried away… keeping my head down, weaving my way to the outer edges of the place, where folks were sparse, and the silence was plentiful.
Worst thing was about all this was I knew Ash and Amanda had joined the fray themselves. The tournament was over, meaning they were free to frolic and wander. If life was fair and just, I\'d be right with them by now… it\'s not as if they were hard to find, they were just hard to approach.
Their beauty and reputation had cultivated them their own center of attention. They had their own lengthy circle of admirers and followers, so if I went to them and combined mine with theirs, I fear the universe might collapse in itself from the strain alone - that, and I\'m a sucker for my privacy.
What I wanted to talk about with them… I prefer it if I didn\'t have a billion eyes scrutinizing my every move, and a billion ears misconstruing my every word. For now, I\'ll bide my time… wait for things to settle down… if they ever do, that is.
And besides, I saw it again - the furthest peek from the corner of my sights - in a dark narrow slit between buildings, the familiar swirl of misty white eyes staring back at me.
Didn\'t take long before I found myself slinking into that narrow slit, and returning that silent gaze with a smile on my face that for once actually felt like a smile.
"Nice place," I said, resting myself against the long wall of hardwood. "Don\'t mind if I nest here for a bit? It\'s crazy out there."
Bread crumbs on her left cheek, sugar powder full on her lips, and sharp-pointed fangs tinged deeply in the crimson red… of strawberry - thank fucking God - from the very moment I got in here, all was made clear as to what the hell Adalia\'s been up to all this time.
Vampire tidbit #216 - Matriarchs are excessive food hoarders.
Makes sense, I guess… all those dead rats and birds piled up high back when I first met her didn\'t just sprout out from nothing.
"I see you have a sweet tooth," I said, eyeing her extra-large haul of baked goods stashed deeper in the alley. "Where did you get all that?"
Adalia slowly chewed, attempting to hide it behind equally sugar-glazed fingers. "I found… the… kitchen…"
"And so I see," I said, shifting my gaze back to hers. "Did you ask for permission?"
She quietly swallowed. "Per… mission...?"
Ah, well, whatever… so long as somebody\'s munching on those things, don\'t think their bakers would mind too much.
I changed the topic, "Well, I do hope you at least had the chance to watch the tournament in-between your foraging."
"I... got hungry… so not all… of it..." She admitted, sounding the slightest ashamed. "Only when… it\'s you… they showed…"
"Then you\'re all good," I reassured her. "You pretty much saw all of it anyway."
"Sera… watched it… all…"
"Speaking of," I whirled my eyes around. "Where is she?"
"Went to get… more cookies…" Adalia replied. "She likes… the cookies… more…"
"Oh, so you\'re a team now, are you?"
"We… take turns…"
"Of course," I said, sighing, shaking my head, then with another quick glance deeper, asked. "Can you pass me the chocolate muffin, please?"
For those few short minutes in that dim, drab little cramped space there, I finally attained what I sought after for so long… a peace of mind, and a peace that was mine, and the blissful silence on top of Adalia\'s comforting presence made every bite of the muffin in my hand only that much sweeter.
Hero of the Kingdom, and here he was sitting in an alley, getting crumbs all over his fancy garbs. So much for glory…
"So, Adalia, I have to ask," I turned to her, crumpling the muffin wrapper in a closed fist. "We talked about love back then. From watching me, did you finally get an answer?"
Adalia was a slow eater, but I knew that already… whereas I take chunks off with every bite, she wasn\'t even halfway finished, just nibbling, and she was still nibbling when she answered.
"I\'m… not… sure…"
I raised my brow at that. "You\'re not?"
"When I watch you… do what you did... when I watch you fight… when I watch you… get hurt... and... when I hear you say… how you feel about her… I understood… you did it… all for her…"
"That\'s right," I said.
"Because… you love… her…"
"Still right," I continued to affirm.
"But…" She stopped nibbling, lowering the muffin from her now narrowed lips, her misty-eyed thousand-yard stare somehow looking even more distant than ever before. "Even if… I knew that… that wasn\'t… what I felt… watching you do… the things that you do… for her…"
Adalia rarely ever strayed from sounding her usual vapid self, so when came the instances where there was even an inkling of something else, it was made all the more glaringly discernible.
"I know you… loved her..." She continued. "But I didn\'t feel… that you did… the feeling I got… didn\'t feel like... love… I think..."
"And how did that feeling feel?" I asked her, a suspicion brewing within me claiming that I might already know.
Adalia slowly raised her hand, clutched her chest, and in a silence that felt like forever, held on to it tight. "Pain...ful…"
Just as I thought.
"Unpleasant… suffocating… in...furiating..." She kept going. "I… never felt… feeling like these… even before… my condition… it\'s… confusing… to me…"
Yeah, I bet it is, Adalia. Even to us more sensible folks, it is ever the perplexing emotion… a feisty one too.
Vampire tidbit #217 - Matriarchs are prone to envy.
"I think you might be jealous, sweetheart," I told her, offering her another assuring smile.
She looked up at me, batting her eyelids in that same bewildered gaze. "Jea… lous...?"
"Happens to the best of us, nothing to be too hung up about."
She kept that confused stare. "Sweet… heart…?"
"When you care about someone, you like it when you have their attention and time," I went on to explain. "But when that someone is doing something for someone else, caring for someone else… and when you see it happen, sometimes you tend to get a bit possessive."
"I\'m… possessive…?"
"And when that happens, you can get a bit agitated at that other person for taking that attention and care that could have been yours. I\'m speaking in broad terms, but generally, yeah… that\'s what you call jealousy. You\'re jealous of Ash."
Genuine astonishment was not something I expected to see from Adalia\'s always dull expression, but her wide-open unblinking gaze reflecting back at me, and the fact that her muffin rolled right off her fingers without her doing anything to prevent it was plenty affirmation enough.
"I… I see…" She finally spoke out, stiffly veering her eyes towards the blank wooden wall. "So I am… jealous… of Ash… because you love her… so much…"
You know, when she puts in blunt terms with all the subtlety of creaky floorboards in a haunted mansion, it\'s kinda hard to take it all in without wanting to bury yourself in the sand - but I manage, thankfully.
It\'s a bit ironic too, now that I think about it. Anybody else, and she can pretty much read the mood like she was reading a children\'s book, but when it comes to her own feelings, she\'s as blind as bat, and unfortunately, I don\'t think she can read braille.
"But… why…?" She asked me, as innocent, as curious as can be. "Why… am i… jealous… of her…? I want you… to love… her… because… it\'s what you… want… too… I don\'t… understand..."
Like I said, blind as a bat.
"Well," I sighed, shifting in my seat. "Give it a second. Why do you think that is?"
Adalia gave herself that second, and when it wasn\'t enough, she gave herself another… then three.
She didn\'t try for lucky number four.
"I don\'t… know…" She whispered, looking down at her now empty palms in ponder. "I just want… you both… happy…"
"Then maybe that\'s the issue," I finally answered her. "Maybe you want yourself happy too."
Her eyes drifted back to mine once again, still reflecting back that same shimmer of confusion. "Huh…?"
"Maybe from seeing just how much I love Ash," I told her, smiled at her. "Maybe you want me to love you just as much too."