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Mostly monotony. The next few hours, doing nothing but nothing. I know I tend to mostly exaggerate things all the way out of proportion, making mountains out of molehills… but know that this time it is with heartfelt earnestness when I say I was truly utterly bored out of my fucking mind.

I needed to be doing something, and I wanted it to be something that wasn\'t nothing. 

But it was like the whole world was standing in opposition. It was a fight to the death just trying to stand up again, my body obviously did not approve of my daring escape attempt last time - now if I tried again, I\'ll be sent spastic slamming to the floor as shockwaves of pain rendered me immobile like some kind of electric shock collar had been placed all over me. 

First time in my life I wanted to be proactive, and life itself was wagging its finger at me for it. Seriously you just can\'t win, man. 

I even tried to reason with my nurse here. I proposed that she could be my eyes and ears, go up there for me and see what\'s what - no good, Amanda just wouldn\'t budge, anything that didn\'t have anything to do with my road to recovery was strictly kept up high on the top shelf where my short stubby little hands couldn\'t reach for it.

Nope, instead, I got constant reminders to drink plenty of water, and some fruit or a snack every thirty minutes, always immediately followed by the same three questions over and over.

Doctor Irene\'s guidelines, apparently. 

-How are you feeling?

-Are you sleepy?

-You don\'t have to keep staring out the window, you know?

I don\'t have to, that doesn\'t mean I didn\'t want to. I\'m going strong on my fourth hour in watching the gooey black still not dissipate from the building right across, don\'t stop me now.

Amanda kept that worried-anxious look every time she found me in her sights, and seeing as she\'s practically my overseer, that tends to happen quite a bit. 

"You know, you kinda scare me," She muttered suddenly out of the blue. "In a strange sort of roundabout way." 

It was an intriguing little remark, certainly intriguing enough to have me breaking my four-hour streak to briefly turn her way.

"How do you figure?" 

She gave this discomforting chuckle. "The fact that I have to explain it to you kinda already affirms my point."

"Again," I said, combo-ing my stare with a frown. "How do you figure?"

"Do you hear yourself at all when Irene is telling about all the risks and repercussions when it came to doing what you did?" 

I tried to think back, then realized it was pointless. "Bit too focused on paying attention to those risks and repercussions to even listen to myself talk."

\'Well, I listened," She said. \'Want to know what I heard? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. She essentially had just read out your death sentence… and you just sat there and listen, maybe nodding your head once or twice, but never any more than that."

Gave myself a few moments there, taking it all in with some slow blinks - but nope, I\'m still not getting it.

"My silence… scares you?"

Amanda dropped her head, her gaze turning excruciatingly dull. "Your indifference scares me, dummy."

"Indifference?" 

"All this time I\'m with you, I\'ve never heard you once scream to the heavens \'why me?\' it\'s a little… I don\'t know… weird."

"What other choice do I have, Amanda?" I asked, feeling my lips curve to the most confused smirk ever. "It\'s either I do it, or bye-bye earth, right?"

"Exactly," She threw an arm up. "You don\'t have a choice. But the thing is you never once complained that you never had a choice." 

"Complaining\'s just a waste of breath." 

"Yeah, and I agree, wholeheartedly," A sigh. "But Ash, Irene even, they still wasted it anyway - wha - I\'m wasting it anyway. We all worry what you do to yourself… you keep pushing that line… aren\'t you worried that it\'s going to break?"

"Amanda, from the start we all knew the risk of this plan. We all knew I could die, we accepted that - "

"We all knew, yes," She interrupted, her voice going soft. "But with the exception of you, it feels like we\'re the only ones that would have cared."

I shook my head. "I don\'t wanna die."

"But I ask… if that\'s what it took, what then?"

It was an easy question, I thought. No doubts, no hesitation. So why couldn\'t I answer it? It\'s a no, right? I want to say \'I wouldn\'t\', didn\'t I? Then, say it. Come on, say it.

I couldn\'t say it.

"Yeah," Amanda nodded, whispered in the silence that persisted. "That\'s what scares me."

There wasn\'t much talk after that. According to her, I shouldn\'t even be anyway. What I needed was to rest, down another cup of water, bite a chunk out of another apple. 

Doctor\'s orders.

Meanwhile, my eyes veered back to that open window, to that building smeared in inky black, ever on the lookout for the very moment it started to recede, disappear, go away - just anything besides staying where it was. 

I needed something to happen, just show me anything. All I ever got was perpetual nothing.

Soon the sky was casting a bright orange again. It\'s morning, it\'s six… and the only thing new was that my view of the Blight just got a bit brighter.

Wait and see…

Well, I waited, alright. I definitely saw. Where is -

"Still staring?" 

Amanda was peeking her eyes from the corner of the doorway. Recently returning probably with another brimming cup and I don\'t know, let me guess… apple?

"Thirty minutes went by fast," I commented. "At least make it an orange or something."

"Nope! No orange," She sounded jovial. "I got something even better than that." She sounded cheeky.

Something did happen. Something good.

I opened my mouth at once, and seeing how quick I caught on - I don\'t know how or why Amanda\'s immediate response to that was to suddenly chuck something at me without any heads up. 

Yeah, the guy still recovering, senses dulled and battered, probably would only run away from a bomb five minutes after it exploded? Hurl a brick at him going lightspeed, it\'ll go great.

Thank God, I caught it anyway… who knew a ribcage would be such a good momentum-stopper? Aha! Trick question! It isn\'t.

Fucking ow.

"Sorry, sorry!" Amanda sped up, trying, failing to hide a smile, all the while flailing her arms. "I got too worked up. I forgot! Ah - here!" 

My nurse just broke her Hippocratic Oath and still her expression persisted looking so damn giddy. Just what the hell does she have in store - 

"My phone!" The surprise I felt immediately subsided any pain whatsoever. "I forgot you still had it. Why didn\'t you give it to me earlier?"

Amanda raised it to my eyes with both hands, held out horizontally and with the brightness level at its lowest. 

"Doctor\'s orders," She piped up, her wide smile still lurking behind the phone. "No bright lights, that\'s what she said. That means no phone, you\'d just throw up - and I didn\'t tell you beforehand cause I didn\'t want to deal with the headache of you asking me for it over and over."

Fair enough. It\'s still blurry and blinding anyway dim as it was…. Yeah, no bright lights alright.

"What are you showing me?" I asked, feeling the tears welling from my squinting eyes. "All I see are words, hearts - a lot of arrows too."

"A live stream!" She yelled. She didn\'t have to yell. "London! Happening right now! Remember London?"

When she said that, I went harsh lights be damned and widen my eyes as much as possible because I definitely remembered London. 

It was the city she showed me on her phone when this entire fiasco first started. I can still remember that chilling video, how the Blightfall battered against the windowpane… how it ended with it overlooking a bustling, panicking city drowning in a downpour of scarlet red.

This stream… this time… there was another downpour happening. Only this time, the rain was no longer red. 

My speaker was blaring the bewildered cheers and yelps from the confused streamer, so shook he can\'t even keep his hand steady, he just kept whirling the camera round and round trying to capture everything all at once.

The roads returned back to their asphalt black. Awnings, balconies, every structure I manage to spot in the chaos, the red sludge coating every inch was curling into itself… like the pouring rain was dissolving it all away. 

Streamer-man kept running up and down the sidewalk, his boots splashing and splattering, his shaky camera capturing the shock and awe on the many bystanders staring up into the sky.

This was what I wanted to see. This was the something that I wanted to happen. 

And it was finally happening.

"London isn\'t the only one either," beamed Amanda, swishing and flicking her finger on the display.

Russia was thundering. Japan was storming. Australia was pouring.

Everywhere was raining. 

It was happening.

"I told you, didn\'t I?" She placed the phone, wearing a rather haughty look on her face. "You see, you did it. You actually did it."

Any other time I\'d responded back with something witty and clever. Any other time, I\'m sure. Not this time… 

In the distance, somewhere above the open window, blew in a hefty breeze, and up there somewhere… the skies began to rumble too.

Definitely not this time.

"Yeah…" I muttered back, staring out the window where the first few droplets started to pour. "I actually did."

Rain again.

Just rain.

Hallelujah.