BXBX NOVEL Chapter 294 56.1 Map Awareness?
SHIZU
⬛⬛⬛
Shizu absently blinked at the dark waters glinting beyond the window of her room as everything that had happened in the past day ran through her mind like flour going through a sieve. From that incomplete weapon of mass destruction, all the way to the events leading up to their inevitable escape from the wrath of an entire Great Nation, these events etched themselves into her mind, her political training quickly kicking in just to see what she could learn from this disaster. And while there was a multitude of decisions she probably could\'ve taken to avoid this, there was still one glaring observation that disturbed her to no end...
She didn\'t think she had it in her to be so... violent, but apparently, she didn\'t even care how many people she killed so long as it was all in the name of her beloved Empire.
"Am I... Am I monster?"
The princess took a shaky breath as she raised her hands. Even now, she could easily imagine them being so bloodied that her pale complexion would barely peek through all the red. She had killed before, sure, but those were merely fringe cases that necessitated that she take action. She was either defending herself and her friends from being killed, or the only way out of the situation was through force. And even then she never really used too much power. Or at least, she thought she did.
Letting out another sigh, Shizu shook her head and let her body sink back down onto her bed. It had been a very long day, and while she managed to take a bit of a nap in the middle of the battlefield, it was no replacement for proper sleep... sleep that had eluded her even after she tried to stay still for over an hour now.
"Ugh... Why is this so hard..."
It was a question that had plagued her mind not only for the state of her unrest, but also for her ever-changing behavior that she only now recognized. The field of bodies that greeted her once she came to wasn\'t a pleasant sight at all. After all of her nerves bled away from her body, so too did her lust for battle fade. Instead, it was once more replaced with the familiar feeling of disgust and hatred for violence that she had cultivated ever since she was a young girl.
Then again, it was only her body that had truly grown up.
Shizu let out another sigh as she curled up into her bed. Her previous thoughts of even coming up to her Gods\' beds had completely gone away in favor of her ruminating regarding the current situation. It was all so... sudden. She didn\'t expect to cause a massive diplomatic incident just by trying to investigate Marquee. Dear Gods... What would Father say once word came to him about the Empire\'s supposed terrorist attack at the very heart of the Marquean capital itself?
Surely, such news would throw the entire court into chaos.
All of this worry, on top of the anxiety and fear of the fallout of their actions, made Shizu\'s forced rest a fitful one as she sobbed onto her pillow. As the future sovereign, she knew full well that her actions had consequences, and her apparent slaughter of hundreds of Marquean soldiers would definitely put her on a notoriety list somewhere. By the time they\'ve probably arrived at their next destination, her face would probably be known and wanted by Marquean society for all the wrong reasons.
"My dream... How am I going to achieve them if I\'m like this?"
She did her best not to scream, lest she alert the others of her current distress. She knew that everybody was dealing with their own problems right now, and she didn\'t want to impose more than she had already done by even suggesting that they go to Marquee in the first place. Not to mention what she inadvertently did back in the Island Sanctuary... Why?
Why was she somehow constantly putting everyone in danger because of her actions?
Shizu gripped her bedsheets as she did her best not to cry out loud. Her own failures had been piling up, and with her slowly shifting behavior, it was no wonder then that her dream of achieving peace throughout the Shallow Deep was doomed to failure. That was unless she adjusted her goals to that of enforcing peace by any means necessary, and at that point, what made her different from the rest of their enemies was that she was fighting for the Empire.
She had lost her moral high ground, rendering her as merely yet another soldier in the grand scheme between the three Great Nations.
"I can\'t... I can\'t go on like this... I have to change..."
Still, despite the heaping amounts of shame and self-disgust building up inside her, her own nature refused to let her give up. Now that she knew that she was becoming more violent, she would simply have to catch herself before she did any more damage. Her own plan of launching an investigation on behalf of the Empire itself had landed them in such a precarious situation, which meant that she had no business hatching any more plans of her own until she learned her lessons.
So instead, why not just fully trust her Gods to do the thinking for her?
Yes... She had already fully planned to offer herself to them full-time just to show her gratitude to them. Why not go a step further and entrust her dreams to them as well? Surely, they\'d know best. In fact, Lady Guidance probably knew everything that was about to happen even more vividly than she did, and that was even after they\'d changed things enough that the future vision she once got was practically useless!
Slowly, Shizu regained her confidence, her own failures pushing her more towards her faith as she found herself praying for their guidance. Sure, she could always just talk to them, but praying to them felt more respectful somehow. Even if she kind of already knew that they wouldn\'t hear her thoughts and prayers, she still had a feeling that it would have an effect on her own well-being.
"Oh Gods of the Shallow Deep, please forgive me for my sins..."
With each word, the princess felt strength and willpower returning to her. Rolling out of bed, she kneeled towards the open window facing the black seas of the Deep. The [Stars] twinkled from high above, their patterns seemingly shifting as if to show her their divine message.
"Grant me the strength to move forward... And help me find a way to end all this bloodshed..."
Her breath hitched as she felt a shiver run through her spine. Her heart raced. Were they truly listening?
"Please... help me see the error in my ways... Help me correct these horrible tendencies of mine..."
Taking another deep breath, Shizu reverently pleaded and prayed despite knowing that her Gods were only but a few footsteps away. Sure, they probably couldn\'t hear her like this, but she still couldn\'t help but think that they\'d heard her prayers regardless.
Then again, they always seemed to have a way of knowing things anyway.
"If you\'re both hearing this... Please... I entrust to you both my hopes and dreams... My thoughts... my prayers..."
Shizu cried despite herself, her tears starting to flow as she felt her Gods\' divine blessings wash over her. Was Lady Guidance truly listening then? Was Moriya secretly already hatching a plot to right every wrong that she had just done?
"You... You both really care about me..."
She sobbed as she brought her hands together in silent reverie. The sheer blessings she was receiving were making her body shiver with excitement. There was no way that she wouldn\'t try and make it up to them now. She had to repay them for the kindness she just received. For the absolution that they had just granted her!
Standing up, she rubbed away the tears in her eyes and prepared to offer herself to them immediately. Smoothing over her haphazard state of undress, Shizu made sure that she would be as presentable as she could just so that she would be worthy of standing beside her precious Gods.
"Right! I have to be ready!"
Her resolve renewed, Shizu prepared herself to use her [Code Watcher] to see just where her precious Gods were, only for her to quickly shake her head in rejection to her own actions. Somehow, she felt like using her power to find them wouldn\'t be appropriate for what she was about to do. If she wanted them to bless her body, then she would have to find them the old-fashioned way.
With a radiant smile on her face, the princess strode out of her room before working her way one by one through the numerous rooms on the [Rig]. She would earn her right to stand right alongside them. They may not see her as an equal, but she would at least strive to be their most favored servant.
⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛